A Life In The Day (30)

............BETTER NOW............

ROTF-HMS-LMAO , ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

OK , OK , I really have it together now....................HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ..

ha ha ah ahahah aha ha ahaha ha ha ha ah a...........................i'll- ha ha ha ha- be back later- ha ha ha ha .................OUT COLD........ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA ..........

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A Life In The Day (29)

BE WARNED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told you to go pee before you read this entry !!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA .........OK

OK , so I said earlier that I was perty good, HELL NO ! I was GREAT with my WHAMO SLINGSHOT! ha ha ha . And I was the food gather-er. and how I loved to rub it in to Joel .

OK , OK , OK ................(the ONLY IMPRESSION I DO -JOE PESSICE- ) ha ha ha ha . So as we are going South but East of Zacatecas , to be close but not IN any big cities , ( the small towns were just fine for us. ), and Joel STILL had the opportunity to VISIT bordellos . (HA HA HA HA HA .....Joel had CREATED HIS OWN MONSTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) , and WE STILL HAD plenty OF MOTA ! AND WE DID LISTEN TO "EL ZAPATA's " injunction about NOT going into ANY city with this GREAT shit!

Did you know that there are some REALLY BEAUTIFUL forest areas in South Eastern portions of Mexico? anyway , ........... ha ha ha ha ...........OK ,so NOW think about the LAST EPISODE of

"STAR WARS", with the little furry teddy bears ? The FOREST PLANET ? ha ha ha ha ...

think about it ! IT WILL BE COMING UP A BIT LATER ! ha ha ha ha ha ...................

OK , Joel and I are going on our merry way and to go North of Mexico City , but South of San Luis Potosi . really between the 2 .

So as Joel and I are riding thru the combination of deserts and lush forest we begin to see more Game and Joel decides to become a DAVID to the GOLIATH of GAME , and starts practicing on a "SLING" that He made so at least He can say that He brings in food now! ..........ha ha ha ha ha ha ................sorry , but it get a whole lot better as it goes along .................

As the days go on , Joel starts to practice with his sling, when I go off to get some meat and tubers, there are times that I had a good day and bagged meat easily, and came back to the camp to see Joel practicing on cacti . I gotta give Joel credit for stick-to-it-ness. He REALLY tried hard at mastering the SLING ! and if push comes to shove , outta 10 shots? at least 1 hit close to the cactus ! ha ha ha ha.......(IT GETS BETTER !) ......ha ha ha ha ha ...........in time He did get better to the N'th degree ! ( BUT NOT YET !!!!) ROTF - HMS - LMAO !

So now We are in the territory of , or close to the town of , Teocelo on our way to Veracruz,

and for the most part we had what I come to think was normal passage . We met many nice people of /from surrounding villages. Many of whom were envious and some but not few were glad that they were not wanderers and seemed to be happy to have their own land.

One couldn't look down at them , one could only look at them with awe and respect.

OK , so Joe and I are South of Jalapa on our way to Veracruz , We wanted to go to the sea for fun and girls ! ha ha ha ha ........So as we are on our way and still in the desert Joel wants to impress me by showing off His skills with the sling...............ha ha ha ha ha ha ..................................... ( here it comes folks ! )....... OK , so we are in litely treed woods and He says, " lets go hunting! " , I say, "what the fuck. ok.", He takes the lead and we come across a herd (?) , of JAVOLINAS .

editors note :

Peccary, also javelina, common name for a small, nocturnal wild pig, confined to the southwestern United States south to central Argentina. It is 0.8 to 1.1 m (2.6 to 3.6 ft) long, 44 to 69 cm (17 to 27 in) high at the shoulder, weighs about 14 to 40 kg (31 to 88 lb), and has grizzled gray-black or brown-black hair. Three species are known. The collared peccary, with a white neck band, is wide-ranging; it roams in groups of 2 to 50 animals, feeding on insects, roots, fruit, and reptiles. The white-lipped peccary is a less common, slightly larger forest dweller that runs in herds of up to several hundred individuals. The Chacoan peccary, with longer legs, ears, and snout, was originally described from subfossil remains, and was thought to have become extinct some 11,000 years ago. A live animal was subsequently discovered in Argentina, and was first reported in scientific literature in 1975.

OK , enough of that , so we come across a small heard of Javolinas and we start approaching them , ha ha ha ha ha ..... and now Joel reaches in his pocket for a smooth stone from a river bed we had passed and seats it in the pouch , ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ........ (sorry folks, but I know whats coming up ! ) , ..ha ha ha ha ...........OK , so picture a classic GREEK statue of a GREEK JAVELIN THROWER and you are seeing Joel , up and twirling the stone in His sling around His head, ha ha ha ha ha ha aha .....................with His arm pointing out in front of him pointing at the Javolinas.

the animals He intends to hit ! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ..........(GO PEE NOW FOLKS ! )............ha ha ha ha ha ..........So there Joel is standing up twirling the sling above His head , ha ha ha ha ha ha ha , and it catches on His out stretched hand and drops down in the level of the swing and ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and starts to rap around His arm and neck , ha ha ha ha ha like that little EWOK from STAR WARS , (remember Him ? ) HA HA HA HA

and like in the movie it wraps around his neck and arm with rapidity in ever shortening circles at the same time gathering speed until it slaps Him up along side the head and knocked Him cold ! ROTF-HMS-LMAO , HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ....................................

I couldn't help myself .I fell down on the ground LAUGHING SO HARD rolling in the dirt like "PIG PEN " FROM THE comic strip PEANUTS , tears STREAMING HA HA HA HA HA DOWN MY FACE , HA HA HA HA , AND i HADN'T peed YET BEFORE wE WENT OUT ON THE ha ha ha ha THE HUNT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA H A..........and I peed my pants , HA HA HA HA HA , and didn't care !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ........

I should have been concerned with Joels' health and well being , BUT I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA...........(tears now even come to my eyes!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. ), i couldn't stoppppppp...................

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A Life In The Day (28)

................. THE GIFTS ................

We woke up the next morning ,bright eyed and bushy tailed. ( NO PUN !)., and

as we set about stoking the embers of last nights fire and ready-ing coffee, I started to relate to Joel what I thought could have been a dream and just needed feed back on the weirdness of it .

Joel perty much co-oburated all that I thought , it being a WEIRD DREAM , and we both started laughing !!!!!!

Joel said He was going to the bikes for something and a moment later I heard Him call me over in kind of a panic!

IT WASN'T A DREAM !!

From Joel's handlebars were hanging 4 cleaned and dress rabbits , from mine were both our helmets with one full of prairie hen eggs and in the other a KILO of REEFER in it !!!!!!! WHOA !!!

YEAH BABY !!!!

Without saying a word Joel got 2 of the rabbits , took them back to the camp fire and cooked them and the eggs , we ate and didn't say a word until we had digested both the food and our thoughts.

By this time it was about 10 am , ( really late for the desert ), Joel looks over at me and asked,

" so what do ya think about it all ? "

I replied , " If all that went down last night was for real , then the way I see it , we have CARTE BLANCH as far as our travel goes. at least as long as we choose to stay in the country of Mexico. But hey , there's more to the world then Mexico! ha ha ha (you see we had more balls then brains ! remember we are 17 !)"

So we cleaned up camp and hit the road again but just before we did I stopped , bent over and picked up desert sand and faced to the North and threw up some sand , then I turned to the West and did the same as I did to the South and East. Joel asked me what the hell I was doing , and I told him , "I'm saying THANK YOU TO MOTHER EARTH FOR OUR BOUNTY .".

The funny thing was that Joel didn't laugh but did the same thing.

We headed south of Saltillo going perty much down the center of the Mexico corridor with no particular time schedule in mind.

Along the way we had some REALLY super nite rides !

ASSUMPTION on THE EDITORS' PART :

" Have you ever danced with the devil in the cold moonlight? , Or soared to the silvery moon on ethereal , (than you Lindy ) wings of gossamer thoughts and returned to the earth and chased Bats as they flew though the night winds chasing their nocturnal foods only to scare the shit out of them ,wondering " what the hell was that?!"? all the while doing 50 MPH on a desert highway with no headlights at 2am , and the moon shining down with the blue brightness of the SUN ?with nothing before or behind you for MILES and MILES? "

LET ME DIGRESS......... :)

Remember that I had said / thought/wondered , if the MOTA, was laced with ground PEYOTE?

Well , Joel and I ,because of our GIFT, now had the pleasure of sharing "joints" during the days rides , and subsequently had a fucking ball (!) riding thru the desert at night !

Sometimes we even did 14MPH at a stretch...................... :)

Time at this point was liken to sand that you emptied out of your shoe while sitting down after walking on the beach ..........

Hunger was liken to a Very distant relative knocking on the door 5 houses down the road.......................

Worry was like something that had been flushed down the toilet , yesterday.................

The future was like a brand new NEW YORK STYLE CHEESECAKE and a PITCHER of ICE COLD MILK beside it just WAITING TO BE EATEN !!!!!!!

Think of the clearest night you have EVER encountered outside under the canopy of Gawds cloak. The BRIGHTEST night that you EVER thought you saw was a black room compared to the skies of a DESERT , hundreds of miles from civilization and neon lights ! You could sit , or RIDE (HA HA HA HA ) and see the Majesty of THE HEAVENS and all the balls on the celestial pool table as they all banked off the rails OF THE UNIVERSE !!!!!!!!!!!

WOWSER !!!!!!!!!!

We would plan our days so that we were rested enough to settle at a campsite at sunset and eat a bit so that we could "burn" a "J" and then RIDE THE HIGHWAYS AT NIGHT with NO HEADLIGHTS ON ! And with NO sound on other then our WELL TUNED BIKES!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING RUSH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine riding on the surface of the MOON , or MARS !!!!!!!! ( THANK YOU John Carter for letting me and my buddy ride on your canals of VASOOM !!!!!!! :) PS. I love your diaries ! )

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A Life In The Day (27)

---------LATER THAT NIGHT--------

Now here it gets dicey .........

OK , so now (what , 1/2 hour later?) , everyone is perty well smashed including Joel and myself , who no longer even CARE if we get drawn and quartered or raped or thrown into a locked room full of rabid Jehovah's Whiteness's confronting 2 drunk JEW boys !

So here we are all merrily sitting around the fire when "EL ZAPATA", says "Trigan la MOTA, HOMBRES ! " (translated = bring on the shit boys, mary jane , weed , REEFER .............),

YEAH BABY!!!!!!

By this time Joel and I didn't give a rats ass what might happen to us ! Hell , We had a full stomach of lizards , snake , cactus pears , Tequila and JUST smoked a shit load of REEFER !

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha .........

christ ! I'm getting a contact high just typing this out !!!!!!!!!

He and his men seemed to be dealing with the high better then Joel and I .We were just sitting there , bleary eyed with shit eating grins on our faces and full stomachs as He said to us , " That boy that the 2 of you had befriended at "LA PLATA Catina" is my nephew ., and I was told that you , (as He looked at me .), treated Him with dignity and brotherhood.!"

(HOW THE HELL DID HE KNOW THIS? we didn't see any telephone poles, wires, heliographs , smoke signals , pony express.....WE DIDN'T SEE DICK!! HOW... DID... HE... KNOW ??? !!! ).

From that point on We were in LA LA LAND.............

As the night progressed Joel and I seemed to go in and out of that "PURPLE HAZE " that you might have heard that GUY sing about in the '60s . In retrospect I have often wondered

if "LA MOTA " , could of had some ground up "PEYOTE " mixed in with it . All that I know is that it was the COOLEST reefer that I've EVER had in My life, bar none !

So the rest that transpired during the rest of the night was all kind of a blur.....

I kinda remember that "EL ZAPATA" , said something about gratitude for the humanity and generosity that I had shown to his nephew, that and the fact that after "watching"(?) us and seeing how we had managed to live off the land like true "HIJOSES (sp) DE LA TIERRA"

= "SONS OF THE EARTH", he was happy and willing to grant us "SAFE PASSAGE FROM ANY AND ALL BANDIDOS " we might encounter on our way to Central America . (apparently , that was the extent of His power, influence (?) , also it seemed as we found out Early the next morning a GREAT TRAVEL GIFT with the injunction not to have it on our person if we came to any city , being "GRINGOS"and all.

I think that we ALL laughed a great deal that night and comradery was as thick among us as

honey on hot buttered toast. ( somewhere along the way Joel and I passed out only to be wakened by a BEAUTIFUL sun peeking over the mountains in the east . )

AND THE GIFTS !

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A Life In The Day (26)

.................THE LAST SUPPER ?.................

I really don't know how to continue with this part of the narrative because it gets kinda involved........

Here He tells some of his men to bring more food , ( what ? , they were expecting us? ) and 3 more guys emerge from the boundary of the campfire light and cart in 6 rabbits , and as quick as one can "moan"

O M G !

Theis guys GUT theis RABBITS WITH SPEED AND EFFICIENCY!!!!!!!!!! and build up our fire and start cooking them !

The whole time Joel and I are thinking , "We should stand up , bend over , put our heads between our legs , and kiss our asses GOODBYE! ". As the rabbits start cooking , He asks , "tiene bebe? " , ( have anything to drink? ).

Smart ass me , trying to look cool , nod and reach over and give Him the bottle of Tequila, (( MY HAND WAS SHAKING SO MUCH THAT IF IT WERE CARBONATED IT WOULD HAVE GOUTED A FOUNTAIN OF FOAM! think a "Mello" candy dropped into a liter of COKE !) ( I can't swear to this but I think I saw a quicksilver smile cross His face as I handed Him the shaking bottle.))

Ya know ,now after 4 decades , looking back on the events of that night? I REALLY think that that ugly son of a bitch was having FUN with us as he played His mind games on us !

He kept talking to his men in a rapid dialect of Spanish that neither Joel or I could understand.

Every now and then his men would laugh and look over at us , (the whole time I'm thinking that scene from "DELIVERANCE " , " LETS' HEAR YA SQUEAL , BOYS ! SQUEAL LIKE A CUPPLA PIGS NAWH !").

EDITORS NOTE :

IN THE ARMY THIS IS WHAT'S CALLED A "PUCKER FACTOR #1 " which equates to your SPHINCTER mussel getting SO TIGHT due to fear of ANY given situation that a molecule of HELIUM couldn't get Thur !

As the rabbits finished cooking , He started passing OUR bottle of Tequila to his men and now I'm thinking , (" why haven't they searched our packs yet ? and if He does he'll find the rest of our Tequila to ! The least He could do is allow us to get shitfaced if we're gonna be SODOMISED and KILLED !"

( INJECT HERE A "BONN MOTE" OF PHILOSOPHIC CONTEMPLATION )

- GAWD HAS A PERVERTED SENSE OF HUMOR ! -

Here his men do a MIRACULOUS TRANS CONFIGURATION OF CHANGING SAND INTO at least 6 or 8 bottles of home distilled Tequila of their own ! OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! GO FIGURE !!!!!!

Here He asks us if we'd like to join Him and his men in His rabbits ? Joel and I both declined , saying that we both ate already and would be more then happy to show him all that we ate on the desert sand ! (We were both THAT scared!!!!!!!!!!!!! remember " PUCKER FACTOR #1 ? "

That statement seemed to break the ice , because after He translated it to his men , they ALL started to laugh so hard that they appeared to cry with mirth as they rolled on the ground .

ZAPATA now tells his men to give us a bottle of Tequila , (Oh , rite . I forgot to mention that we found out that He chose to call Himself , ZAPATA , as in "THE LIBERATOR OF MEXICO"?.....................rite...................well after all He did steal from the rich.................

actually He stole from everyone , if the truth be known ! .............. and He did share a BIT of His gains with his men............................and He WAS big , ugly , mean looking , smelly , dumber then a bag of hammers and probably had a brain pan the size of a chick pea and as it seemed , only a bit smarter then his gaggle of inbred ,mentally challenged bandalleros . but as it turned out , He had a heart the size of MONTANA ! (WHICH WE WERE ABOUT TO FIND OUT LATER THAT NIGHT !)

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A Life In The Day (25)

INSTANT KARMA and the MOUNTAIN of the BANDIT KING.....................(not)

After we gathered our wits and courage, and made sure that our bikes were operable .

We decided to head off to the nearest village or town for basic supplies, gas , food

and a shitload of Tequila , ( for medicinal purposes , .... of course.)

We came first to a road side cafe along the road on our way south of CHIHUAHUA ,

basically to by-pass Mexico City south on to the Panama Canal.

The cafe that we came upon was the type that one doesn't see in travel TV shows , it was a true "locals" cafe , eatery type road house.

As we drove up and parked our bikes we noticed that our stomachs were screaming for what smelled to be wonderful local foods emanating from the cafe inside. The place wasn't overly populated so we went to a table and ordered what tasted to us as "food of the GODS".

As we sat at our tables , having finished our repast and enjoying our thick , delicious local coffee, I noticed what looked to be a "scruffy" local kid who the other patrons seemed to be leaving a space clear of him. The kid looked to be our age or there abouts , and seemed to be sad , dejected and skinny!

Joel didn't seem to pay too much attention to the kid but for some reason I couldn't seem to look away......His t-shirt was ripped, his pants had holes , he looked hungrier then a vegetarian at a pig roast , and all he was eating was tortillas de arena , ( Flower tortillas, yummy when FRESH AND HOT !), but I digress. Even though he looked like something the cat drug in and the dog threw out , he still managed to have an air of dignity about himself .

We were in the lot and ready to mount up , when " something" stopped me in my tracks.........

I turned back to the cafe and walked up to his table and asked , " por favor , si se puede o si se quede. ben con migo afueda ? Quedo habalar con tigo." = ( if you can or if you will come outside with me ? i wish to speak with you.) . I think he read in my face a lack of hostility , but friendship there . As we walked to the bikes , I asked him why he seemed so forlorn and dejected? and why so impoverished? At 17 and in those days it didn't seem to be an aggressive query for one kid to ask another when asked in all innocents and compassion.

His answer was that his uncle wanted him to follow in his footsteps and basically take over the business. I didn't push for answers, that would have been transgressing Latin Civility, so he left his Uncle's "HOME", to find his own way Thur life but things were tough for a number of reasons , one being his appearance. namely the disrepair of his clothing.

For a few seconds I stood there looking in his eyes ..........its hard to say what I felt/saw there , but I had made up my mind . Without another word I opened the pack on the back of my bike and proceeded to give him a pair of jeans , 3 pairs of sox , 2 t-shirts , a bar of soap.

We stood there looking at each other and all I could say was, "I don't have much that I can share , but please take what I can and make your way Thur life better armed".

We stood there looking at each other and tears came to our eyes then smiles. He gave a slight nod , I did the same and we turned away from each other and walked , he to what ever future he sought , me to my horse, (bike), and saddled up . Joel looked at me and said, "NU? so ? what are you trying to do , get INSTANT KARMA? " , I looked at him and told him to , "fuck off! " . We then started up our bikes and rode to the South and the "MOUNTAINS".

MOUNTAIN of The BANDIT KING...........................(not)

After having resupplied our packs , we preceded to head South and being "dumb" kids we just sluffed off the warnings of the talk about THE MOUNTAINS (and the supposed reports of the bandit king , hey , remember we were 17? ha ha ha , and God protects Mad Dogs and English Men AND Dumb Teenagers ! that was us!!!! )

As we drove Thur the desert I managed to get perty damned good with my "WHAMO" slingshot, to the point where we never went hungry . That's not to say that we had steak everyday , but Gila monster does taste like chicken if cooked right. and rattle snake tastes alot like chicken to , and prairie hen and big lizards and jackrabbits and turtle........................

hell man , everything tastes alot like chicken in the desert for that matter! ha ha ha ha

At least we didn't have to do any of that reality TV survival crap with bugs and shit like that..........yuck!

A couple of days later we saw what looked like an oasis in the distance at the foot of the mountain range so we decided to head that way and relax for a couple of days .

( INJECT HEAVY DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE! .......................)

We came to this site that looked like 29 PALMS in Calif. with a little stream ambling thur, so we decided to camp for the night , this was about 3 days after the encounter at the cafe and by that time it was all forgotten . As it was, Joel set up camp , I went out to get food.

I bagged 1 snake , 2 Gila's and 1/2 doz. cactus pears , not a bad haul....... ( I REALLY have to put it in here that what I am about to say does have pertinence to a future event! ha ha ha ha ha ha ........... so when we get to the jungles of Southern Mexico trust me!!!!!!!! go pee before you read THAT entry or you will wet yourself laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as I did SEEING it ! :) ).

OK , Joel is now getting a bit pissed at me because I was the food gatherer, and kept rubbing it in ........... R O T F ...

(couldn't help it . a guy thing........... :) L M A O - H M S - R O T F :) )

((READ THE REST OF THE STORY -PAGE 2 )( thanks PAUL HARVEY ))

As we are sitting at the camp fire eating lizards and drinking tequila ( FOCAL POINT ! the sun has set !), up meanders about 9 NASTY looking guys WITH RIFFLES AND PISTOLS AND KNIVES and everything but a fucking NUKE !

Now Enters THE BANDIT KING !!!!!!!!!

HE WAS NOT A HANDSOME GUY !

We were too scared to puke !

He asks us who we are and what we're doing in his turf! (basically). so I said we were travelers going thur his country on our ways to S.A. He then looks at us both and asks , " did you both stop at "La Plata Cantina " "? . " si senor, we did . porque?"

At this point he hesitated and thought ...............

Joel and I are about ready to evacuate our bowels and shoot to the moon!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH A SHITLOAD OF FUEL !!!! (NO PUN ! )

We were SCARED !!!!!

As we sat there contemplating our fate as TOAST ,The JEFFE , (THE BOSS ), just stood there looking at us . I'm thinking , "he's thinking the best way to have fun with us BEFORE or AS we die.............." . Our future seemed perty dismal..........................Joel and I are both saying KADDISH for each other.( a YIDDISH word = PRAYERS for the DEAD.).

For some reason not apparent to us at the time He tells his men to bring more food!

.....................(THE LAST SUPPER? )..................

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A Life In The Day (24)

THE VALLEY OF THE DEADLY TARANTULAS

/ or/ THE TWO SCREAMING GIRLY MEN !!!

....................................................................

................................................

Lets see..........how to start?..................

After Joel and I woke up around noon , (He with a BIG GRIN on his face , me with a hang over.) ,We ate enough to feed a J V High School Football Team, and fitted out our Bikes , We decided to hit the road again , (seeing as how we were $500 richer, doesn't sound much by today's standards , but hey! it was 1964 ! )

At first, it seemed reasonable to stay to the main roads , be those as they were......(ha ha ha ha ha ha ................. the biggest jokes of modern times!!!!!!!!!!!)

Because we had Dirt Bikes it was easy for us to go off road , the reason being because we had heard in various Cantinas along the way , that there were Bandits on certain roads and mountains . We stayed north of Sonora and Hermosillo and went perty much thru the deserts , food and our survival skills not being much of a problem , ( being as how we were both Eagle Scouts when we were kids and all that shit . ) .

OK , so we are driving thru the desert at around 60MPH , at around noon or there abouts and off in the distance , ( a long distance, remember at 17 we have the eyes of hawks . ), we see LITERALLY(!) , A Field of Black about the size of a football field with ...........well let me put it this way. It looked like what you might see if you had an open frying pan of ORVILLE REDENBACKER POPCORN WITHOUT THE LID ! Things were just going everywhere! BLACK THINGS!!!!!!!! In a nano second going thru my mind is that this is an optical illusion ...........or just an optical illusion.......!

(EDITORS NOTE: for some reason in 1964 , the going fashion rage for teen guys in southern California was/ were / was, what ever, PENDELTON , LONG SLEEVE , FLANNEL SHIRTS! worn outside of your pants . Go figure! KEY WORD-FLANNEL! ) .

OK , so here we are driving down the path and as yet we are not sure what THEY were.

( REMEMBER! WE ARE DOING 60 MPH! ) At about 30 yards we can at least see that they are spiders. (REMEMBER THAT ALL THIS IS GOING THRU OUR MINDS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT in a TIME sense!)

At 20 yards we can now see that they are NOT little spiders......

At 10 yards we can see that they are REALLY BIG spiders!.......................

As we drove INTO THEM , we now see that they are REALLY BIG FUCKING TARANTULAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the time we are 10 yards INTO them we both simultaneously hit the skids , (breaks) , and laid down our bikes and preceded to slide for about 20 or 30 more yards. At this point Joel and I

immediately scrambled out from under our bikes as quick as we could SCREAMING the whole time like little 7 yr. old girls ! Jumping up and down and SCREAMING like little girly men !

The whole time beating at ourselves and trying to get THESE GOD DAMNED TARANTULAS OFF OF OUR BODIES AND SCREAMING LIKE LITTLE GIRLY MEN !!!!!

( now picture a 1960's Mr. Wizard type TV program with some avuncular scientist explaining the how's and why's of an ATOMIC BOMB Explosion by way of show and tell . Remember this is STILL the era of THE RED THREAT , the WALL is still up . the IRON CURTAIN still surrounds a big portion of the world , AND KRUSCHEV STILL WANTS TO BURY US. and the CUBAN crisis is still in the future waiting to happen . So this fat fart with thick glasses standing in front of a 10'x10'x10' clear plastic cube and the bottom of the floor is filled with SET mouse traps with ping-pong balls sitting where the cheese would be and 1 small hole at the top .

He looks at the camera and says with a smug shit eating grin on his face , " This is what would happen if 1 HYDROGEN ATOM were excited by a simple "little" explosion , say the size of a stick of dynamite." , whereupon he drops the first ping-pong ball into the little hole. and the next sequence is done IN REALLY SLOW MOTION photography . The first ball hits the first trap! it trips! those 2 go off and you have 4 more , they go off and you have 16 , they go off and you have 32 , then 64 , then 128 until the whole clear plastic box is filled with ping-pong balls .

My point? ..............WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THESE FUCKING TARANTULAS JUMPING AROUND LIKE THOSE STUPID PING-PONG BALLS AND WE ARE SCREAMING LIKE LITTLE GIRLS PUSHED INTO A ROOM FULL OF WHITE MICE AND WETTING OUR PANTS! ! AND WE ARE JUMPING AND FLAPPING OUR ARMS AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THEIS HORRIFYING ARACHNIDS OFF OUR BODIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MORE KEEP CLINGING TO US!!!!!!!!!! )

Editors Note :

One of the reasons why we had such a hard time getting rid of these
Tarantulas .
Tarantulas have tiny hairs on the back of their abdomen and back legs that will stick to an enemy if disturbed and ITCH.
Tarantulas have re-tractable claws, just like cats!
Some tarantulas can get as big as DINNER PLATES !
Tarantulas’ bite is actually not that dangerous; no more worse than a bee sting (unless you’re allergic, of coarse or scared shitless and SCREAMING LIKE LITTLE GIRLS!!!).

Remember the key words? We were wearing FLANNEL SHIRTS!!!!

Now try to picture this: 2 guys with kinda longish hair full of TARANTULAS!

FLANNEL SHIRTS from neck to wrists COVERED in TARANTULAS!

Jeans pretty much covered in the GOO and ENTRAILS of TARANTULAS from rolling around on the ground while trying to get our feet under us so we could RUN LIKE BATS OUTTA HELL to get to the free space from where we first encountered the TARANTULAS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We ran for what seemed an eternity , about 50 yards before exhaustion and being O D'ed by adrenalin , overcame us and we collapsed !

We were so exhausted that all we could do was lay there panting and watch the migrating horde go on its merry way hopping off to the north east . That took about 1-1/2 hours. Before sunset we managed to raise ourselves enough to stagger to our bikes and push them beyond the perimeter of the killing fields. We then managed to gather enough dried tinder and cactus to build a fire big enough to be seen by a satellite for GOOGLE EARTH , FROM SPACE!

We both held large STICKS AND STONES just ready to defend ourselves , JUST IN CASE...........( Imagine a guy in a room with a pump shotgun just waiting for a mosquito to come in the room!) We didn't sleep much that night............

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