A Life In The Day (42)

the JUNGLE and the BITCHES (part 3)

or

(am I still alive?)

The rest of this narrative is going to be a bit confused, owing to the fact that not knowing what I was about to get into, and still thinking that I knew it all, (remember that I'm 17 and STUPID!), I had a piece of that psychedelic fruit cut into the sizes of dice cubes, and carried them in my pocket.

I ate one piece about a mile before I got to the clearing, LUCKY ME!

By the time I got to within 100 yards of the Pack, I was crawling on all 4's, and that alone saved my life , as it is.

As I approached the pack on my hands and knees, the juvenile males ,(dogs), were the first to approach me at a run and surround me, the bulk of the pack,(the bitches),came next. All in all, I would have said there were no more then 40 animals in total, excluding the "pups".

I remembered things that I had read in school about animals in general, dogs specifically about never, 1) to not look aggressive to a strange dog, never look at it directly in the eyes. 2) never show your teeth, as in a smile. 3) that to show submissiveness , lie on your back and bear your neck.(the last part coming from "Jack London's "Call of the Wild"". Does any of this sound juuussst A little bit crazy?(you bet my ass it did!!!!!!!), but at 17 and you're Superman and there ain't no Kyrtonite, what the fuck!

The Dogs AND the Bitches were ALL slavering, fangs bared! The BEST thing that happened to me was, because I was SO tired and with REALLY hurting knees and stoned, was for me to collapse! To the pack? I didn't look like a boar, or a panther or ........like much of anything they might have encountered. I didn't seem to present any threat to them as they knew it, thanks to the mud covering, I did not smell of disease, I did not manifest a threat, they smelled on fear, just a curiosity. I DON'T MEAN TO BE ANTHROPOMORPHIC of them in ANY way, but it was as if they had no idea what I was, and was a conundrum to them?

I slowly turned over on my back and put my head back.(I have to say here that the average size of the pack was about the size of big Cocker Spaniels and the GRAND DAME was the size of a German Shepard.), as I looked at Her coming to me I had one thought in mind, DISNEY LAND! (none of this was real to me!). The next part is REALLY strange! The queen bitch came cautiously over to me and began to "sniff" me all over from crotch, butt, arm pits and my hair.Now here comes the really weird part! When it seemed that She had satisfied Herself, in Her own way, She then proceeded to STRADDLE me and take a "piss" on me! The whole time all this was happening , the pack was barking, growling and basically going ape shit!

I had read about dogs manifesting territorial rites with their urine, BUT PLEASE!!!! ON ME? ha ha ha ha . Apparently I was.... ok?....Hers?....ha ha ha, (GO FIGURE!)

At that point, the pack seemed to calm down, I still lay there wondering .........what the fuck?......... Eventually, I turned over again and crawled to the base of the nearest tree and watched the workings of the "pack"! I was basically left unharmed, but with a "guard" of at least 1/2 dozen "juvenile dogs!"but after awhile it seemed that I was accepted , mainly due to the fact that I had the "QUEEN BITCHES"scent on me! (I was Hers'?, again, go figure!)

lucky for me , I don't live to eat!, and there were plenty of fruits to gather and berries to eat. It seemed as long as I did NOT stand up on 2 feet, I would NOT cause the pack to freak out!

In the first 2 days I came to see how the pack existed. It appeared that this was a "FEMALE " pack of dogs. When a MALE juvenile attained his sexual majority,(puberty), it was cast out of the pack with real anger!, and threats of death! There was 1 male who seemed to challenge the rule. Apparently it wanted to become the "ALPHA DOG!". He fought with tenacity,valor... He was ripped apart!...........by the pack of bitches!

When ever I had to pass water , I would crawl over to some rocks that were on the outskirts of the clearing, and while still on all 4's would just "pee". The whole time it seemed that I had acquired an admirer! HA HA HA HA . A Gorgeous, Golden, Young, Beauty of curiosity, mirth and humor(?) a VERY Sweet Bitch. ha ha ha . fuck today's ridiculous world of PC bullshit!

I couldn't go anywhere without GOLDIE, (that's what I named Her.), following me! ha ha ha ha ha . After many attempts at being able to touch Her, She finally succumbed to my charms and would allow me to pet Her. I did not know what I had done!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA . She was all over me like a cheap suit!!!!! When I would go to sleep? She would be lying on me or close to my stomach.When I went to a pool of water to "refresh" my mud, She would be on the bank looking at me like, the" R C A pup", looking into the speaker with Her head canted and saying .........."YOUR SILLY!"

By the 3'rd day Goldie and I were inseparable! Now do you remember that I had said that I only came into this world of Bitches with cut-offs and a straw hat? Well, that hat was almost my undoing! As it turned out, Goldie and I were playing and a strong wind came up! It blew my hat off. Goldie scrambled after it and grabbed it in Her mouth and started to swing it around like a rag doll! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! THATS MY HAT!!!!!!!!! I got up and started to run after Her to get my hat back! It was ratty , torn up, beat to shit!!!!!!!! WRONG THING TO DO !!!!!!!!!!!! instantly the pack turned on me and ran with the thought that either I was a threat? or "snausages, snack food!", I immediately fell on my back and bared my neck! In an instant, Goldie was at my side, hell! She was on my chest! growling and barking with death in Her eyes! but not aimed at me! She was apparently staving off the others! For what seemed a life time , She PROTECTED ME!!!!!!!!!!! literally telling them to BACK OFF!

In retrospect, She, GOLDIE, saved my life!

As the pack finally, reluctantly, left me. Goldie pee-ed on me also!!!!!!!! in my mind is going, (am I Hers now?), B F D ! THANK YOU GOLDIE! I then turned on my belly and crawled to the tree that I had made mine, with Goldie at my rear.(NO PUN!).

Day 4 was FUN FOR BOTH OF US! I had come to a fruit tree with a fruit that looked like a cross between a plumb and a peach. I picked one up and started to eat it, whereupon Goldie stared at me as I ate. She saw me eat it and with the look of intelligence, wondered what the fuck was I doing?! I smiled with no teeth, just a smile.

She sniffed my face, then my fingers, then looked at me.(again with Her head cocked!). I cut 2 pieces of the fruit and held them in my hand. I took 1 piece and slowly and deliberately put it into my mouth, then held out my hand to Her with the other! After sniffing and looking at me, She leaned over to take the piece of fruit in Her mouth!!!!!!!!!! O M G !!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha .

have you EVER seen a dog Smile???????

It is a cross between Constipation, Gas, OR JUST AN ANIMAL GRIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!! GOLDIE LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We lay there for a long time on the jungle floor just eating fruit ! Goldie's tail was wagging faster then a metronome on "speed" ! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD A DOG "FART"? HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!! OR BURP?!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HA HA HA .....we were both having fun!! I matched Her BLAST for BLAST!!!! As I crawled back to the clearing with Goldie at my side and went to "our "tree", I had thoughts of depression.......

That night as we slept, with Goldie "spooning " to me at my belly, I started crying....and smiling.......my tears were for the fact that on the marrow I knew I would have to leave.....smiles? for the fact that Goldie would "fart" every now and then...ha ha ha ha ha......

On day 5 , at dawn, I went to the stream and drank with Goldie by my side...........I crawled to a fruit tree and shared my repast with Goldie, then crawled in the direction of my "bike", again with Goldie at my side............I went to as far as I was when I first heard "the pack", and went a little further on all 4's . At about 200 yards from "the clearing" I stood up! Goldie shrank to her belly, tail put under Her! I said at that time in a gental voice,

"go back",

and walked on. After , I don't know ..so many yards, I looked back and saw Goldie! I then said in a louder voice,

"go back!"

and continued..........by the time I was at my "bike", I was crying...........then I heard a "yip", I looked back to see Goldie there on the ground with THAT look! I was devastated! I reached down and picked up some dirt and threw it at Her! screaming,

"GO BACK"

I knew that SHE would not fare well in my world!!! SHE ran only a short distance and turned to me. By this time I can't see well for all my tears...........I cleared my bike of all the "CAMO" ,then got my sandals. put them on , primed the "carbs" and kicked the starter! At the sound of it kicking over, GOLDIE ran!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVEN'T CRIED THIS MUCH SINCE THE DAY MY FATHER DIED ON MY 10'TH BIRTHDAY...........

E S D

A Life In The Day (41)

the JUNGLE and the BITCHES (part 2)
or
(I'm still alive?)

As Carlos came to me with the fruit in his hand and a slight grin on his face, he bade me to have a small bite.

As I sat there nibbling the fruit which kinda tasted like a "jicima"(the meat looked like that of a turnip), not bland or bitter, kind of a nice nutty taste. I listened to him tell me of the terrain, and what to look for and look out for. He also told me of the tubers, fruit and plants that were eatable, also that if Joel and I were ever hard up for "healthy" water , what kind of vines to look for, (open my boyscout knife and cut the vine on the slant and hold it over my mouth and get ready for the sweetest, healthiest liquid I have ever had!). As I listened to him go on, I began to have trouble with both my hearing and vision......................

(authors note)-

I had not done ACID yet at this time, but in retrospect? WOW!!!!!!!

As Carlos talked it seemed as if his mouth was made out of Jello, with every word he spoke the lower part of his face Giggled! As he looked at me, his eyes looked the way you see the ripples in a pond as you toss a pebble into it, with the circles expanding to infinity. This was some trip!!

As Carlos continued to speak, I seemed to be going thru a metamorphosis. I began to melt into the tree that I was leaning against and seemed to MELT into it! At this point I began to see Carlos from the branches, then the leaves, then the roots and finally the tree itself!

He told me later what he told me then. That depending on the amount that one eats equals the duration of your HIGH!

3 hours later! ha ha ha ha. As I woke up I saw Carlos napping a little ways off. He woke up with a grin on his face and asked me how I felt? ha ha ha ha . I asked . WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? He started laughing and began to tell me.

He basically said that this was the way many of the men and boys got high with safety. That there was no after effect. That one did NOT become dependant of it, and then again went thru all of what he had said about the jungle foods. We then went back to the town and to a cantina to eat, and asked me more questions about the world. I told him what I could, and gave the only copy of Playboy that I had.

The next morning after I had eaten my fill , I said goodbye to Carlos and Joel, telling Him that I would be away for a week, and set off on my "Horse" for the "Jungle of the Bitches".

I left at about 6 AM. The day was grey and humid and I was young and stupid. I rode for awhile looking at my surroundings to make sure I could find my way back. After a bit of hard riding I came to a rise where I could see the Valley of the ROCKS, and then proceeded to look for a good place to hide and cover my Bike.

As I left the bike and went to where Carlos said the river would be , I left all but the basic clothing I would need to approach the "BITCHES", without the scent of civilization on me. I just wore my cut-offs and a straw hat, plus of course my boy scout knife. Carlo had said that if I came across any mud puddles, to rub it all over myself as best I could for protection against Mosquitoes until I came to a stream to commence my cleansing of odors.

When I got to the stream I took off my cut-offs and my hat, keeping them both in hand and remembered what Carlos had told me , that I was not to pee in the water because small parasitical worms would swim up the stream of warm urine to lodge themselves in your "schlong", and there take up residence to lay eggs for future parasites and eventually go blind, have kidney failure and die! As I walked into the large , slow running stream , I would gather sand from the bottom and start to scrub myself everywhere on my body, from crotch to arm pits., my hair most of all. I then proceeded to wash my cut-offs over and over , even my straw hat. I then came out and put my pants and hat on a large rock to dry and went looking for mud.

When I found an alcove of stagnant water with a shit load of mud , I commenced wallowing in the filth! (YUCK!) When I was completely covered and dried, I went back for my pants and hat, put them on and then walked to where I had heard some barking off in the distance to the north east.

E S D

A Life In The Day (40)

The JUNGLE and the BITCHES (part 1)

or
(I'm still alive?)

We headed south from Las Cumbres to the crossing of just north of Paraiso , 2.7miles south , from there We headed south east to Chiva Chiva, then on to El Sitio. We skirted Panama city, I guess because of our youth , fear of what We had seen , our youthful stupidity of it all, or the fact that We were both just teenagers?

We pretty much rode close to Highway 1 , not close enough to see the road , but within at least 2 to 3 klicks east of it but still in the deserts. Villages were far and few between, but the occasional villages we did come to were of interest, and we to the young guys our age to them, in the respect that we learned of better ways to live off the land that would come to our aid in the upcoming jungles, and us to them in the fact of the world outside their villages.

I had always wondered about the city of Medellin, so we decided to head south west just for the hell of it.We had chosen to make a detour to the city of Antioquia, seeing as how we were in no hurry, and this little aside was to prove rather exciting for me at any rate.

As things turned out we never made it to Medellin We got as far as Antioquia and needless to say Joel and I headed to the nearest cantina.

I don't want you to think I didn't have as stiff a dick as Joel.........but that wasn't what made me think of ........more.

As time went on Joel was trying to forget. In time it would consume Him. We would , in retrospect, would only have months for our futures together as buddies.

At Antioquia we had gone to

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sorry folks , but I had alot on my plate for the past 2/3 weeks ! I'm back now. :)

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OK , where were we? oh yeah!

We STARTED to go to ANTIOQUIA, we never made it there. About 15 ? 18 miles north of Antioquia near a small city of Maledoros, (prophetic? ), we had stopped to rest , resupply and basically talk to more guys to learn about our surroundings. This town did not have a bordello so Joel was S O L , (SHIT OUT OF LUCK), but it did have a great Catina and incredible food! We had spent a few days looking around and getting to know the other kids, who again thought we were the hottest things since pancakes because of our bikes, our money,(about US $300), and our freedom.

It seemed that either kids of our age or our time,(the 60's), or the social depression of the area, or just the fact of the ease of natural procurement made getting high from mother earth easy! ha ha ha ha .

almost back!

Back again,

So as it turned out, we went to the cantina to eat and drink...... ha ha ha . and Joel did his best to proposition the local girls..... not so good luck! He was asked to leave and being my "BUD", I left with him.

As we walked out and down the steps, Joel being "TOASTED!", slipped on a step and twisted an ankle. At that time of night it was difficult to get help.

Nothing could be done until morning. Being in His present state, Joel didn't feel ANY pain! which was a bad thing! He exacerbated His injury! At sunrise we went to the local "medico",and after examination were told that Joel had to keep His leg in traction for at least 2 to 3 weeks or risk...........possible surgery on His leg!

I left Joel in the hospital bed and told Him I would check in with Him at times and walked out depressed for His sake. I went to our bikes to do "busy" work and to think of His health.

As I was cleaning our "plugs", a kid came up to me who we had made a friend of 2 days before as we were eating. I will NEVER forget his name,"CARLOS HERNANDEZ de PICA" . He asked of my friend and his health, and knowing that I ALWAYS carried books with me asked why?

I then told him of the JEWISH ritual equal to Christen Confirmation called "Bar Mitzva", I told him of the ritual of giving GIFTS on completion of the ceremony of passage and of my gifts,"BOOKS". we talked a long time as we walked to the outskirts of the town. He also wanted to know of the outside world and HOW to get there?, and I asked him of the land ......... HERE is where he told me of "BITCHES of the Jungle" that were said to be not only ALL female "dogs" but secular and vicious as well! A few days walk into the jungle,east. And that people kept away form that area. I was dumb enough to insist on more info. I had always been interested in Anthropology of all sorts, even at 17, but since I had an "iron horse", I could get there in 1 day. BUT to stop at the valley of the rocks and walk from there , or I would frighten them! And to bath vigorously to remove any sent of humanity that I could.

As we sat at the jungle, Carlos casually went and picked fruit off a tree that I had not seen before. He offered me one and became VERY cryptic!

E S D

A Life In The Day (39)

NOW, THE WHOREHOUSES and the CORRUPTION in the Canal Zone...........

(and the lions and tigers and bears ...................OH MY .)

We had now come to the CANAL...........

It was difficult traveling with a stranger.....and still my BUDDY.

We went Thur the country of Costa Rice with little mishap,(by this time Joel and I looked like locales with shaggy hair , dirty jeans and such, with the exception of our motorcycles, but they were dirty also.)

We basically had the run of the the city as long as we kept low profiles. We kept our bikes by our rooming house , and for some reason we could always develope rapores with the local kids and for a few pesos would have our bikes looked after.

At this point in time we had no REAL need for money, and Joel and I would walk to the many churches and be floored the the opulence and wealth manifested by "the Church" , those fucking hypocrites! All around us was manifest poverty.and on the 3 occasions that Joel and I attended services,( We were hard pressed to remember NOT to put on our Yarmulkes" , ha ha ha .). and in the Spanish sermon we heard the priest demand for MORE offerings from its congregational, destitute army of Jesus the Christ.

This alone was enough to stress our ............values of socio-religious BULLSHIT! (where was GEORGE CARLIN when I needed Him?!).

Joel and I were maturing both physically and mentally. We were no longer the fat , dorky innocent, JEWISH kids that had started out on this adventure. We were NOW 2 lean, mean , fighting machines of 150 lbs or there abouts, (from the fat safe city of AT LEAST 185 LBS? EACH !! ).

Because of Joel's familiarity with the HOUSES, He would hear things from the "girls" about the local political workings around "this" city that others would not EVEN have a dream of .(I know , bad crammer, do not end a sentence with a preposition! ), tough shit ! this is MY narrative! ha ha ha !

We came to find out and later to see with our own eyes how the system worked at/with the boarder guards.....Ya know folks . at this moment I kinda feel embarrassed to be an American with what We saw at boarder crossings............ (it seems that most Americans -IN THAT TIME FRAME - thought that if THEY didn't know the language of the land , they thought all you had to do was SPEAK LOUDLY!)When Americans, (NOT Europeans, mind you.), encountered boarder officials and came in contact with Boarder Guards , that they could pay their way Thur any problem with American Dollars.

Joel and I would sit at the crossing and play a popular game with other kids and/or guards (if you had the money.), betting on "license plates" that came Thur.We would see and hear the "transactions" that transpired.....If there seemed to be a problem and the American wanted passage , speaking LOUDLY, would be opening himself to be financially "gutted",(like any animal WE had hunted and killed for food .), by the guards.

Later, Joel and I would go to our Cantina of choice to sit, eat, drink and LAUGH! at the happenings of the day ! :)

Thies lessons of STUPIDITY held us in good stead for the future!

I gotta get out of here ! It's too boring to expound on the corruption that We saw and heard.

Like the Magor that would come to this post and COLLECT his daily TAKE !

Crap! It was too blatant a vista of political corruption to go on with.

E S D

A Life In The Day (38)

THE CANAL /CORRUPTION /WHORE HOUSES /GAMBLING?

(oh my )

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We had reached a small village named Sesesmolitos about 3 miles from the Honduran boarder and spent the night more or less to be around living people and gather any news , if any, about the village we left in ruins.

Surreptitiously we ask guys our age if they ,or anyone had heard ANY news about ANY village north west of us about ANYTHING?

There were rumors , but even the ,"ballsy ", guys we talked with ,were too frightened to share.

We didn't push ..............

We didn't encounter any problems crossing the boarders , still ignorant about what happened from others, as we went into Honduras .For some reason We headed to the town of Comoyagua,

not for any particular reason .........

Joel just wasn't the same after our encounter with hells killing field. He didn't smile much any more , but every time We came to any village , town or city , He would , after We found a room to bunk in , would head off to the nearest Cantina and eat a little chow and drink a lot of Tequila , then head off to the nearest Bordello to go fuck His brains out ..........

I was told some times by some of the girls , in the morning when I would come by to pick Him up , that after His sexual bouts with the girls , and would fall into a stupors sleep , that He would cry and scream , "STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in His sleep , and it freaked them out !!! but He was NEVER violent ! or so they said .

Crossing the boarders into Guatamala , then into Honduras where the most frightening times of our passage simply because that would be the times that We had to come in Direct contact with Government Boarder Soldiers. Most of the time We drove Thur the country We kept as low a profile as possible. Another aspect in our favor was that We didn't dress or sound like the standard tourists that We saw in all the cities, but more like locals , and the fact that Joel and I spoke Spanish .

Our funds were getting a little low , but it never seemed to be an issue to us . when We were in the plains of Nicaragua , taking our time traveling , Joel started manifesting an aggressiveness in His hunting abilities that I never knew existed .

Now it seemed that He was the food gatherer . On full moon nights We'd go out for Javolinas , We had acquired a taste for the little pig meat. All this time I thought I was GREAT with my WHAMO Slingshot , but I soon found out otherwise. I'd hang back and watch as He stalked the prey. He didn't have the clumsiness that we BOTH started out with when We began Our adventure .

In the beginning He would stand with His arm pointing and looking like a "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE " skit , just waiting for the punch line where "CHEVY CHASE' falls backward with the stone still circling over His head .................but that never came close to manifestation ......He would just stand up for 3 or 4 swings of the stone over His head and then release the missile only to kill our food with a clean shot to the head with all the detachment of one who feels no discomfort in a slaughter house!

We came to the city of Matagalpas in Nicaragua , with a fair population and a small casino. I never even thought that Joel knew anything about gambling.

We were down to about $75.00 , and even then that was a good amount of money for 2 guys in Central America in the 60's, and I really didn't have a problem when Joel wanted to go to the casino and see what He could do . Hell , I was interested also . hahahaha .

(remember that Gawd protected Mad Dawgs , Englishmen and dumb teenagers.................).

( I didn't say that Joel and I both had reams of different types of paper for different mental reasons, which in the future would save both our lives!.)

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Sorry for the temporal dysfunction . was off the NET for 3 weeks . Back on now.

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We came to what I think of as a small Casino by today's standards,(real small).

Joel just seemed like a kid obsessed and walked to a small roulette table , turned to me and ask for money!I gave Him $50. , (what the fuck!). He played BLACK !!!!!!and that was only what He would ONLY play ! (later I asked Him "why ONLY Black?", it wasn't so much cryptic as just over my head. He said "black equals death , red equals pain and suffering...........I'd rather Die then see THAT pain again ! " ).We won $500. on that roll ! Joel was not obsessive . He was sated . We took our money and left! Then I witnessed Joel kill!!!!!!

I was pleasantly fried and Joel should have been with the amount of Tequila He drank.But as I said , He didn't smile much thies days . As we walked to our hotel just talking about banal shit , we came around a corner Thur a short cut in a dark alley when we were confronted by 3 toughs!

with more balls then brains.They told us to give them our money! It took a second for us to react .

(I have to say here that you MUST remember ! that at the beginning of Our Exodus, We were 2 fat , dorky , Jewish kids with no apparent abilities in survival!!!!!!!BUT we read alot! and reading enhances! ).

I kicked out with my left foot to the neck of the guy on my left , his head bounced off the wall behind him , as it came back, I grabbed his hair and came up with my knee to his forehead ! a lot of blood came out !

, as it went up I punched him under his sternum to cause him to lose his breath ! I grabbed his ears and beat his head on the cobble stone as 1 ear came off in my hand! I was pumped up with the Adrenalin of fear ! I looked over to Joel , (all this was in the time span of SECONDS !), JOEL HAD HIT OUT WITH HIS RIGHT FIST IN THE GUYS FOREHEAD ON HIS LEFT! IT BOUNCED OFF THE WALL BEHIND HIM , HE FELL.........he was out for the count !......THE OTHER GOT THE BACK SWING OF HIS FIST TO HIS NOSE AND FELL ON HIS BACK , JOEL straddled him like a girl in heat! and PUNCHED , ! and PUNCHED , and PUNCHED !!!!!!!!!! the guy looked like road kill! I had to give a flying tackle to knock Him off of the guy! I was too late ! Joel had hit the cartilage of his nose into his brain !...........he was dead ........

...............

E S D

A Life In The Day (37)

NIGHTMARES and TEARS

TEARS and NIGHTMARES

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The night desert lands scape was lite by a full silver moon, and seeing where I was walking wasn't an issue. I knew I had to sit down and stop walking though , mainly because I couldn't see the ground for all the tears flooding my eyes. I was perty high by now on the Peyote and reefer mix and was beginning to hallucinate.

I sat in ZAZEN Posture to meditate and tried to erase my mind of what happened mere hours ago , or at least deal with it in a cosmic sense. (2 years previously , I had written to "Carlos Castienato" from "Carlos Castienatos and the teachings of Don Juan" fame,We had a fair amount of correspondence at the time,and remember even then asking Him WHAT THE MEANING OF LIFE was .........) I was trying to make sense of what we had witnessed

I can't say that I meditated but more floated around the desert in a drugged state of , dreaming.

The dreams that came to me that night were ones that to this day I DON'T UNDERSTAND.....

( I saw Doves , many Doves , all standing around ONE lone Dove on the ground ,lying on Its side , It lay there broken , bleeding, weeping , looking up at me pleading.........with HUMAN EYES .........

--Imagine an episode of "THE TWILIGHT ZONE "--

I ran to it with ALL the force of my Being , ALL THE FORCE OF MY BEING , the harder I ran , the more immersed I became in Tar, As I attempted to reach out , I found myself ENGULFED in a drop of AMBER, LIKE THAT MOSQUITO IN "Jurassic Park"-----I COULD NOT MOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!------------THE TRUCKS BORE DOWN ON US ............)

I awoke to the sun SCREAMING in my eyes!!

I woke up with a dry mouth an my mind whirling even now . I walked over to a barrel cactus and cut a piece out to have a drink of Mother Earths Water and started to search my way back to camp only to find Joel curled in a fetal position.

I stood there for a moment and looked at Him and envied the fuck out of Him , lying there with

what appeared to be the sleep of the innocent ! Time proved Me wrong , years in the future I was notified by mutual acquaintances in Paris, that He committed suicide caused by "unknown" nightmares..............

E S D

A life In The Day (36)

NIGHTMARES and TEARS

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TEARS and NIGHTMARES

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( and still on our way to the River of Gold)

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We drove for at least 100 miles , before exhaustion, adrenaline depletion, hunger, thirst, less light over dangerous terrain and sore butts made us stop for the night.

We arrived to the vicinity of the then Provence, QUICHE , by driving around the base of the mountains, near the town of Zacapa in Guatemala, just west of the Honduran boarder.

By this time on our bikes , we had come to see camp sites with ease and rapidity .

It wasn't hard for us to find a a hidden site among the boulders for the night.

We hadn't talked since we left the village and started ridding...........and we didn't talk much now........

We mechanically went about setting up camp...............................

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The moon covered half the sky that night,

It was an erie stillness,

Joel just leaned against the big rock and looked at the desert in front of Him and was looking at nothing ........nothing but the same blood I was seeing in visual overlays...

I reached over into my pack and grabbed some Javolina Jerky and cut a piece off for Him with my "boy scout" knife and as I turned to toss it over to Him saw that He had a bottle of Tequila at His lips , the whole time I saw silent tears running down His dirt smeared face ........

I just looked at Him an saw My agony reflected there and could say nothing..........

He couldn't say anything ..........I wouldn't say anything.........

He was drinking His oblivion ..............I chose to smoke into mine..............

I left Him there and got up to go walk into the desert and smoke My brains away..........

I lite a joint , took a hit ,looked at Joel silently crying , drinking His tequila and staring at nothing in the silver moon lite desert where I was about to go walking...........

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I just started walking and walking ..............

It might seem to the casual reader that this part of the journal would be easy to relate.........you have NO idea what this is costing me NOW..............!

I have no idea how long or where I walked , I didn't care .

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