A Life In The Day (49)

------------THE CUT THROATS------and THE STEAMER-----------

For the whole time Joel and I were there, the Assayer kept telling us that to protect our claim, we should MAKE a claim! (I'm sure he thought that after the claim was made and the location known, We would become "worms food", thanks to the cut throats that he was obviously working with, and they could claim it for themselves and be rich!). As he opened a Cola for us, he went to the back room to make a call! Joel and I looked at each other and began to sweat! (was this what we were warned about?).

After the call,the agent came out and asked how we wanted our monies, the whole time I'm sure he was thinking, CASH! He was taken aback when we asked him to call a bank representative AND a representative from "GRAND CANADIAN LIFE ASSURANCE Co." to come to his office with a notary.(he had no idea what I had in mind, neither did Joel!)

(Joel and I had come to develop trust over the months we had been together and now it showed. I told Him all about it later ........He damned near beat the shit outta me, then later wanted to buy me a hooker and a bottle of champagne.)

The Assayer seemed to sweat as we waited for the people in question to arrive,( he wasn't prepared for this new situation.), all the while telling us things like , youths like us would do better with CASH so as to have a more exciting life, girls, abundance, a bank would only be a hindrance. Joel and I both had the idea he was doing his best to talk us out of "a bank intercession", as we waited . I managed to get a glimpse out the window and saw some guys out by the corner just hangin out doing there best to look cool.

They blended in about as well as "JASON", in a girl scout bake sale!

The officials arrived after about 30 minutes later, to the chagrin of the Assayer, and as it happened, at the same time.(go figure!).

The first guy was from the Banko National, the other was a pencil necked guy from the assurance company.(but he did know his numbers!). I got down to business and asked that our funds were credited to the bank and from there authorised to pay for the purchase of $54,000. of life insurance in both our names,( remember folks! THIS WAS 1964 !), therefor NOT having any money on us! the other 2 GRAND to buy passage on ANY FUCKING STEAMER OUTTA HERE!--ANYWHERE!!

That's when the Notary took over and made it legal. Meanwhile the Assayer was sweating bullets! The whole time stealing glances surreptitiously out the window, the other people didn't seem to notice, but I did...............

It was now about noon............ The bank official, the Insurance Agent and the Notary kinda picked up on what I had in mind , and I think approved. As a matter of fact they thought it was brilliant! I asked if any of them could help us get passage on a freighter to say, England? To our surprise, the Notary told us that she had a bother who worked in the Port Authority, and could do just that. Then I asked if We could have a ride to our Cantina/hotel , for safety sake. They quickly acquiesced and we were off out of harms way. The whole time the assayer was shitting his pants, swearing, and cursing his bad luck!

The banker insisted that He be allowed to take us to lunch so that Blanca , the Notary, could arrange for passage. We didn't argue. as we waited for our food, they asked all sorts of questions about our travels and adventures to date. They had as much fun listening as We had in telling.

Blanca came back as the meal was being served, with the news that all was well and We had been booked passage on a "LYKES BROS. LINE" freighter and was scheduled to leave port in 5 hours to LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND, and to be ready for departure in 4.

When we left each other after the meal, the trio was kind enough to ask if, WE would be ok? They told us that our plan to have them come to our rescue was outlandishly brilliant!, and were happy to assist in the out smarting of the "cut throats".

We were dropped off at our rooms and we all said good-by, where upon Joel and I walked over to the cantina and had a drink,(or 3), to talk over what We were gonna do. It was really a no brainer! As we sat there getting pleasantly SLOSHED. We really didn't have much to take with us, so that issue didn't raise its head, but what about our bikes?

'That's easy,lets go outside.", I said to Joel. The first person We saw was Anso, the kid we had asked that morning to watch our bikes. 'hey Anso! We've decided not to pay you money for watching our bikes." I said. He looked crestfallen, he thought that were cool guys and would keep our words, not like grown-ups. Joel picked up on what I was about to do and started to grin. Anso started to get angry. Before he could start to cuss us out, I told him that We decided to give him and his brother both our bikes. That's when his jaw dropped! HAHAHAHAHA, the funniest look you ever saw! Once he stopped hugging and kissing us on the cheeks, he asked why?

I told him that we had finished our business and were to leave in 2 hours to ENGLAND on a boat at pier 53, and would he and his brother mind giving us a lift? After we had told him why we came to CARACAS, and what other guys had told us to look out for and why we had to get out...........well he understood it all and said he would do everything in his power to get us there on time! We got our packs, lighter now by a few POUNDS!, got on the back of the bikes. Elitto (his brother had joined us crying with joy.), to drive Joel on, NOW HIS BIKE! TO THE PIER. We were escorted by a shit load of their friends , mostly on bicycles and 2 or 3 on mopeds, Thur town to the pier. (TALK ABOUT BEING HAPPY, YOU COULDN'T SEE ANSO'S OR ELITTO"S TEETH FOR ALL THE BUGS ON THEM!~ HAHAHAHAH).

We thought we were home free, with minutes to spare, as we came up to the,"STEAMER", WHEN 2 OLD '48 CHEVY COUPES came screeching up to block our way 30 yards from the gang plank!

What happened next took only seconds and it all seemed to have been choreographed in RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL! AT THE VERY LEAST FROM A SCENE FROM, "WEST SIDE STORY", Anso yelled out something neither Joel or I understood and all the kids got off there bike and seemed to form a skirmish line between us and the 5 guys that got out of the cars. The 5 guys pulled knives! The kids pulled switch blades, pipes and bicycle chains!

Joel pulled out his "sling", and I pulled out my "WHAMO". For a moment we thought it was tits up!, but then the reality of the situation hit us. IT WAS OVER 4 TO 1 ODDS! in our favor even though we were all kids!

The 5 guys realised that discretion was the better part of stupidity(!), and backed off. they got in their cars and with alot of shouting and swearing drove off to where ever they came from. No one was hurt!

Seconds after the "cut throats", drove off , we just stood there in silence all just looking at each other, shaking, coming down from an adrenalin, nervous high! One kid , Pico, I think , started to laugh nervously then was picked up by another and another and another, until we were ALL laughing! After we ALL got done, Joel and I went over to ANSO and his brother ELITTO and hugged and said our thanks to them and all the kids. There was no use in attempting to exchange address because most of the kids lived on the streets and most couldn't either, read or write. So We just said thanks!,and got on the boat and walked into another chapter of my new life.

E S D

A Life In The Day (48)

GOLD ASSAYERS - CUT THROATS - A STEAMER TO ENGLAND !

We went to the south East of CASIMIRO, the whole time making sure that we didn't say a word in any Catina or bar, or whore house, that we had a shitload of gold in our packs.

We came to the village of lOS TEQUES, and needed to replenish some of our supplies, about 14 klicks S.W. of CARACAS.

It was there that we got the lowdown, from other kids, about what we might see and beware of in Caracas! We were told that the ..assayers were in league with local hard guys......and ANYONE listing a claim was (depending on his power,) were free meat!

It was in the fields , with the other kids, close to the jungle that We heard of what to expect! 1), AFTER! We came to an assayers office , be prepared to have monies placed in the form of cash!( ask for a cashiers cheque!!! AND MAKE NO CLAIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO CASH!!!!!!! NOT to stop UNTIL WE HAD A BANK TO DEPOSIT THE CHEQUE INTO! AND!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE NO CLAIM!!!!! ), If We did? We would not see the sunrise! We were 17 ! no adults !! , ( and runaways to boot!)

and then we rode into town~!!!!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sorry folks now working 10/14 hours per day , 7 days a week for my DREAM! JUST A BIT TIRED? AND TIRED OF HAVING A KEY BOARD IMPRINT ON MY FACE! HAHAHAHA

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We came into the south west end of town, (50 years past? it was a town and only that! and dirty to boot! )

The roads were dirty and shit in the gutters! It all smelled bad! It was like an old time gold town, full of bordellos , cantinas, food /supply stores, bandanlleros and assayer offices .

As we drove in slowly........... we came into town with our eyes open and scanning the territory,( which did well for me in the future!).

Maybe it's because I read a lot of "James Bond" books! (hahaha), but I was aware enough to recognise my surroundings and what might be surrounding us in this .....environment.

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sorry folks. off line , moved. no service.

ready and back now.

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It's difficult to say what was going Thur our heads at the time, but, we were both paranoid and scared shitless! Every eye we saw KNEW we had GOLD! (A SHITLOAD OF GOLD IN OUR PACKS), WE BOTH HAD A SPHINCTER FACTOR OF 4 !

We both knew what kind of a cantina to look for and found one. It was too poor for the "RICH" guys and too "RICH"for the dirt guys, basically, just rite for us.

it was a cantina with less "ROACHES" THEN MOST. we were off the beaten sewer track. The place was cleaner then most. the food was REALLY good. The first night .................and the last night we spent there was US listening to the words of man! (it was reaffirming that we still lived!). You, out there have NO, idea how .........yummy it is to hear voices when you just think you were so close to death!

After we paid for our room, parked our bikes, we went to the area to eat and talk.............TOMARROW!..................what the fuck? That night Joel and I talked about the next day, as we ate Iguana tails,(YUM-FUCKING-YUM!!!!!!), and what we would do to cash our GOLD. The whole time we both had our feet resting on our pack,(!),under the table. We decided that only one of us would go to get food,and start up "bid-ness", and Joel thought that I was more OK in doing that , I was the one. (WHAT THE FUCK! AM I KING SOLOMON? KING DAVID?), JOEL'S mind was in the clouds, ethereal, romantic, colors of emotion............rite , and I was the schlep! hahahaha, OK , so I was.

The morning before, I told Joel that I saw an Insurance Company that I had read about in school named,"GRAND CANADIAN LIFE', at the time, a global Enterprise.

Joel and I both walked in as if we were rough and tough!!!!! (reality? if we hadn't passed water before we left our room? ..........?.............?), . We came to the first ASSAYER OFFICE we saw, as it turned out it was the greatest choice, attempting to look cool!(and carrying a backpack full of GOLD!). I really think we did well, now in retrospect, it worked! The place looked as if we were in the TWILIGHT ZONE (!). Board floors, board walls and hot as hell!

We didn't take time! in Spanish, we asked for an analyse of our ore. As he looked, his eyes grew large with surprise at the weight of a single nugget, (size of a pigeon egg.). Let's get over this episode, suffice it to say the man looked as if he just got every porn movie, food type he loved, unlimited type of booze he ever loved to drink, all for free!, as we put the sack of Gold on his table! He kept asking us if we wanted ANYTHING to drink, we kept saying NO. The man acted like a mad scientist in a "VINCENT PRICE"MOVIE!, or like "Jean Wilder" in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, running here and there to get chemicals to test against the scrapings of the ore. With each conclusion it seemed that he drooled more!, (in retrospect! it was hilarious!).

After 3 hours of chemically washing the samples,weighing and calculating the value, he told us we had the value of $56,000.00 in cash,(U S ).

IN 1964 THAT WAS ONE HELL OF ALOT OF MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!

WE WERE FUCKING RICH !!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUR DREAMS WERE JUST A SUNRISE AWAY !!!!!!!!!! If we lived to see it !

E S D

A Life In The Day (47)

---------------HEAD HUNTERS and PAPER----------------

The first 2 days were about making sure that Joel and I didn't contract "STAFF",(what I had read about in school), being likely to happen in humid areas. I kept our wounds as clean as I could and changed our dressings as often as I thought necessary.

We tried to laugh it off, but during the whole time felt both scared and lucky, all the while thinking,"W T F ?".and then. .....................We BOTH had feelings of unease, we couldn't tell you why.......

As the third day dawned, we felt as if we HAD to leave this place! Joel and I still had dressings on our wounds, but the need to leave was so strong, that it was palpable! It was real! We packed up all we could, loaded our packs with clothes, food, PAPER(!) and the gold divided equally, cleaned camp and got on our bikes as fast as time would allow!

(did I say in the past that we had removed our "baffles" from our exhaust pipes for better sound?REMEMBER ! WE WERE 17! That and the PAPER alone was what may have saved our, now, skinny Jewish runaway butts!)

By such dumb, good fortune, Joel and I were camped on the East side of the river!

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EDITORS NOTE

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Back in THE DAY, bikes like ours didn't have electric starters, and you had to JUMP UP to have the weight to kick over the engines!

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We sat there on our bikes , ready to ride, for a few seconds looking at each other and wondering, WHAT IS THIS FEELING?..........all the while , unbeknownst to us (!), across the river, (say 40/50 yards?), was a scouting, hunting, warrior tribe of Head Hunters that we later found out were called, "CATUIQUES". (to this day I have No idea what that meant or means!)

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This next part is PURE speculation on my behalf!

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I am thinking that they were arrayed Ready to shoot and kill us! From what we were told in CARACAS, later at the GOLD ASSAYERS office, one nick of the points, we would have been dead in seconds!

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Apparently , the natives of the jungles hunt a green tree frog the size of a nickle with serious RED markings on its back, cut its head off, slit its stomach with a flint shard, and remove a small sack the size of a "BEE-BEE", then when the women have gathered enough, are thrown into a small pot, boiled and left to cool. At this point they dip the tips of either the arrows or darts into it and let them dry. It seems that the purity or lack there of , predicates the STRENGTH of the "HIT", or KILL! We were told later that the weapons of "choice" were 4' long bows with 3' arrows, or 4' blowguns with 9" darts !, (how did they know this?).

(NOW! REMEMBER! WE HAD OUR BACKPACKS ON! ). I looked at Joel and said ,

"Lets blow this pop stand and BLAST OFF LIKE ROCKETS!!!!!!!!!!"

He grinned! I grinned! We BOTH JUMPED UP at the SAME time and came down to START our engines!, ( thank ya jesus! even if you were a good JEWISH boy gone bad?) hahahahaha

The CRACK (!) of THUNDER on EARTH (!), MUST HAVE SCARRED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM! Their aims MUST have been thwarted!?! Joel and I BOTH cranked ON THE JUICE!!!!!!!!! AND LEFT CONTRAILS of dirt in our wake!!!!!

As we were riding off to the East, we were BOTH feeling punches in our backs and had NO idea what they were? I found out later, after what could have been 20 minutes or 20 hours!,RIDING! (for some unexplainable reason, ADRENALINE WAS PUMPING! We came to the outskirts of ARAGUA,((a small town at that time. big village, really.)), and decided to rest.We pulled over to stop , still in the jungles. It was then that I saw...........

(Has anyone out there ever seen a "Bull Fight"? a TRUE BULL FIGHT?

have you seen the "Banderillas " sticking out, of the Bulls neck? How they kinda flop around? As the bulls attempt to gore the Matadors?)

As I looked over at Joel, I saw 7 THREE FOOT ARROWS AND 9, NINE INCH DARTS STICKING and FLAPPING out of His backpack !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joel told me I had 5 three foot arrows and 8 nine inch darts in mine!!!!!

Gold is soft! But a REAM of PAPER IS ALMOST 2 INCHES THICK!!!!!!!

then...........

We were 30 or 40 klicks away from CARACAS when we finally stopped. We, NOW, knew what the punches in our backs were! We sat down and took our packs off slowly, so as to look at how far the arrows and darts went in. Talk about dumb!!!! We said WOW! We didn't think death! We were 17 and SUPERMEN!

Writing PAPER is denser then Drawing paper. The darts , for the both of us, did, go Thur the gold and stopped, on the two of us! BUT THE ARROWS!!!!!!!! The arrows in my back pack Ream of PAPER didn't go more then an inch and a half and stopped! (1/2 inch to spare!), With Joel the arrows went Thur His drawing Paper and stopped at his sox's!

Then and ONLY then did we get Hit with the subtle reality of a "MACK TRUCK", IN THE BATH ROOM!!!!!!! (holy fuck!!!! we were almost killed!!!!!!!!).

That night we setup camp and got shitfaced on the last of our Tequila and ate the last of our monkey meat.

E S D

A Life In The Day (46)

----------------------The GOLD and The PIRANHAS-------------------


We came to the rivers edge and just looked into it.
It seemed as if candy canes and sugar plum fairies were dancing around the bottom of the river bed, just waiting for us to come play with them. Neither of us noticed small remnants of some animal gently floating down stream........
Joel and I just jumped into the water and swam to the bottom. Joel had told me to fan the sand with my hands and pick up ANY stone I might come across, then swim up and cast it to a spot on the shore we had picked before we started.

It was maybe 2 hours later that we called a break to see what we gathered. We were too JAZZED to feel any fatigue. so we got our pocket knives out and started to chip away at the rocks and see if we got anything of value. We had thrown up a shitload of rocks on the shore! As we started to chip away, the grins on our faces kept getting bigger and bigger! 3 out of 5 stones showed GOLD under the silt covering! We kept this up, diving and pitching up rocks until well after noon when we finally called it a day!

We dragged our "catch" back to camp and decided to eat and talk about what the fuck we were going to do next.....?

Before us lay a whole future of possibilities we had never dreamed of! I have no idea what Joel might have been thinking............all I knew was my own mind/hearts desire...........for me ,I kept thinking ,that now I could come home from school, go directly to my room and do my homework without feeding my baby brother(Blair), or changing my baby sister's(Alana's) diapers, or clean my Phyco moms figurine display. The freedom to study at leisure!

That night Joel and I were in Disneyland of our dreams...........That night we just ate, drank and smoked a little,(!). We had DREAMS OF ...........OF ............THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told Joel some of mine, how I wanted to live "some" of the life of "JAMES BOND", how I wanted to meet the kind of women "HE" did! /grin/blush. How I wanted to live the life of adventure! How I wanted to have Fillet Mignon instead of Salisbury Steak!( AND afford it with plenty to spear), (sp?). How I wanted to climb cliffs, hunt big game, sail the seas, sit in a council of elders......................and be asked of my opinion. (what a maroon I was! hahahaha) JOEL told me of some of His, how He wanted to be a GREAT artist! like DEGAL, MONEAY, and that crazy fuck who cut off his ear off in Tahiti! hahaha, and be the BIGGEST whore monger He knew! We fell asleep with dreams of WONDER in our spirits..............and GOLD in the river ........WAITING for US!

The next morning We ate, drank our coffee, cleaned and WENT SWIMMING FOR GOLD!!!!!!!!!! hahaha!
As we dove into the river, it never occurred to me,(the science nut!), that there were NO fish coming from upstream...........?

With the invincibility of "dumb" teenagers, we continued to dive....(I had not said before,BUT, Joel and I had, when we first came to "XANADU", made camp on the EAST side of the river, ( another reason to believe that God protects "MAD DOGS, ENGLISHMEN and DUMB TEENAGERS!). As we proceeded to gather our .....booty? .......gift from Mother Earth?...........our find? ...........what ever!!!!!!!!! We started to realise that...........We had a SHITLOAD of GOLD here!!!!!!!!! , and we couldn't carry all that much! hahahaha! HONEST!!!!!!!! there is that much STILL there!!!!!!!!!! BUT! As we dove, Joel , somehow cut his leg! We / He didn't think too much of it and continued to dive...............and as His blood drifted down stream,.... then..., there came the Meat Eaters!!!!!!!..........

I was sitting on the bank resting and dreaming of JAMES BOND Tuxedos, DROP DEAD GORGEOUS Countesses , Casinos, A Dunhill Lighter, (like His), and kinda noticed shadows swimming around Joel. 5 or 7? I blinked and then there were 10 or15? and then a school! ...........when Joel SCREAMED OUT IN PAIN AND TERROR !!!!!!!!
As I stood up, He broke the surface , gasping for enough air to SCREAM for help!!
I stood on the banks and reached out as far as I could to grab His hand! Those little fuckers were eating Him ALIVE!!!!! As I was pulling Him out, my left foot was being gnawed on like YOU do to Baby Back Ribs! (GET ALL THAT MEAT OFF THE BONE, SUCKA!)
I pulled Him out of the water with 5 OR 7 of those nasty little fuckers still clinging to his body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I beat those little beasties off His body and ran to my pack and grabbed my Army Navy Surplus First Aid Kit! (and hoped to Gawd that it worked!)
I ripped out the powered Sulfa, sprinkled it out on all His wounds , wrapped them as best I could and did some thing I do not do to this day....................I prayed for Him..........

E S D

A Life In The Day (45)

The RIVER of GOLD, PIRANHAS, HEAD HUNTERS and PAPER!

What I am about to say , I give freely, if you so feel inclined to search for "THE RIVER OF GOLD", be it known!!!!!!!!! there are dangers!

We were about 11 clicks W.S.W. of San Jaun de los Morros. As we came to a ridge on our way, we could see that the canopy ahead of us was VERY different from what we had been Thur! We saw shafts of Golden Light that looked SOLID, shining down. We paused before we topped it. It was almost like a "FAIRY WALL", where it was different on other side! Without knowledgeable consent, we BOTH turned off our bikes , leaned them against trees and walked to the summit. It was like a Disney Dream come true! I mean, the birds that flew around!!!!! They were of ALL colors , shapes , sizes and sounds!!!!!!We both just fell on our butts with our arms around our knees and LOOKED!, and LISTENED!

Some of the birds had tails that looked like classic GREEK LYERS, others had beaks at least a foot long colored "pink"with head crested feathers of BRIGHT RED! and wings of Bright Green! others had tail feathers at least 2 feet long! the "Humming Birds " were anywhere from the size of a Bumble Bee to the size of a Bat! We just sat there as tears came to our eyes.........It was as if GAWD had just smiled at us!.........

and the sounds............. I can't EVEN begin to describe!!!! the sounds..... like water delicately falling over stones......... like angels laughing............like the sound of your baby brother laughing as you tickle him..........as your kitten sits on your chest and looks at you square in the eyes and "PURRS" SO LOUD that you wonder if a "Mack" truck just went by..........

We sat there for what seemed hours! As it turned out? it Was hours! hahahaha. It seemed as if all our SINS were absolved! This was our Xanadu.

Eventually we got our shit together and decided to make camp here . We gathered our gear and walked to the stream that we saw about 60-70 yards away. After clearing a site for the night, We made a fire,(and the funny thing is that we didn't feel as if we had to sleep in the trees this night.). We gathered dead wood for a fire and ate our dried meat and drank herbal tea. There was a profusion of "water vines", so we didn't need to worry about the kind of water we wished to drink.(the choice was , either 1), healthy, mineral ladened water? . or 2) cool?)) . haha. We didn't either smoke reefer or eat "Wacky Fruit" or drink Tequila. WE WERE IN XANADU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (or so we thought..............)

The next morning, after being awakened by winged angels dropping laughter drops in our ears, we stoked the fire and had coffee, Joel said He was going for a swim I said "cool, I wanna check the bikes."

After I had checked the points, plugs, batteries and His tire. hahaha, I got my paper from my pack and brought my journal up to date. (remember ? that I had said that "Papa Hemingway", was/is my HERO?), I started to write my encounter with THIS NEW WORLD(!), to me. I / WE both had a ream of paper for different reasons! Joel? 1/2 ream for charcoal sketching paper, the other Water Color drawings, Me Stickily writing! (remember , the title said "and PAPER?), SOON! HAHAHA.

As I was laboring over my minds encounter with the night before, Joel came up to me , all wet and shit , and asked ,

"Do you remember any thing from chemistry class?"

"yeah, a little.", I said. (you, as the reader have to know that Joel was an extremely smart guy!).

"Well, can you tell the difference between PYRITE and GOLD?", as He held out His hand with 2 nuggets the size of pigeon eggs in His hand. (personally , I thought He ate a bit of the "wacky fruit". but I smiled and humored Him and said,"sure, lets go see."We went over to the "bikes" , and I popped the seat, got the tool kit, and opened a plug of the battery chamber.

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I had remembered a class test that Mr. SMITHE, the chemistry class teacher, had conducted one day to see the difference between Gold and Pyrite , just to show off , I think/thought. He had 2 samples of both pyrite had Gold. He had gotten a vile of Hydrochloric or Sulfuric Acid, and laid a dab of both on each. The resulting colors designated the truth of each, so I did the same.

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I looked a t Him with eyes the size of dinner plates and asked as calmly as I could,

"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THIES?",

'In the river, over there." He said,in amusement, as He pointed.

"GET OUT OF HERE!", I sputtered, with all the class of a 17 year old!

"HOLY SHIT, MAN! SHOW ME!!!", as I jumped up and started to run to where He pointed. I looked over my shoulder and yelled again, as I ran, " COME ON MAN! SHOW ME!!!!!". As I turned and ran to the river, I ran smack into a tree and knocked myself out cold!

The next morning I woke up to the smell of coffee, eggs frying in bores fat and pan bread made the old fashion way like they did on the parries in the old west. Oh yeah, and a bump on my forehead the size of a goose egg! I struggled to sit up holding my head so it wouldn't fall off, I looked down to see that Joel had placed what looked like 2 handfuls of "GOLD NUGGETS" by the coffee pot! For what seemed like hours, I stared at the GOLD and thoughts of freedom, education, travel, education, women, education, clean cloths and eduction. (actually, it was probably all of 2 minutes.)It never entered my mind that it was mine' or Joels...... but more like just ours.......I looked up at Joel as He cooked the breakfast with a Cheshire cat's grin on His face, as He said, "after we eat, we'll go get some more.", and He laughed. I MEAN REALLY LAUGHED!

As we ate , we vocalised our dreams for the future to be. As I suspected, Joel was basically dreaming along the same lines as I was. He told me about how this might pay for His way to "THE SORBONNE, in PARIS", to study His art and how His parents would shit when they got a card from Him in PARIS!, and how He intended to frequent ALL the whore Houses He could just to be like a famous artist, but at least not starve like they did! To hell with that! HAHAHAHA

After we finished breakfast and cleaned up our "boy scout mess kits", We WALKED to the river! hahahaha.

E S D

A Life In The Day (44)

ATTACK of the KILLER MOTHS

or

TWO SCREAMING GIRLY MEN-(again)

The next morning we had seen the wrath of the boar sow ! hahahaha. She woke up out of her stupor, PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!! The vegetation was thoroughly trashed! She was like my older sister on PMS!. We were lucky that we had decided to sleep in the trees! The funny thing was , that we didn't hear a thing ...........go figure!

The foliage was too close for Joel to use his sling so I went to shot our breakfast with my WHAMO sling shot. I came back with 2 birds and 1 monkey.By this time we had become accustom to the type of foods we ate. Hell, even lizards and snakes were fair game! hahahaha. We had tried to eat as little of our stores as possible and attempted to live off the land as best we could to conserve things like salt, sterno,a few canned goods, floor, coffee, sugar and rock candy.

I have to say at this point , that were it not for the fact that we had basically, dirt bikes , we would not have done so well in our travelings. Also remember that we were getting at LEAST 60MPG with 5 gallon tanks.

We proceeded to clean up our camp site and left no trace of our stay,(which in MY future in Africa, SAVED MY ASS MANY TIMES, and you will read of it in later chapters.), we left our site as we had come to it. Pristine,(we really didn't have to worry much anyway, seeing as how the jungle would cover over our existence in 24 hrs. ), but Joel and I both shared the same thoughts about MOTHER EARTH, we were her guests!

Joel's ankle was much better now, so he could kick over his own bike, now! hahahaha. We had saddled up and rode on, comming to the town of Merida, in the country of Venezuela. Needless to say, after Joel and I had secured rooms, WHERE DO YOU THINK WE WENT? HAHAHAHAHA, YOU GOT IT! any Cantina and BORDELLO!!! WHOA WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! hey folks! we are still 17! WITH RAGING HORMONES!!!!!

Again , as usual , Joel and I made friends with the kids of the town and gleaned all kinds of information about what we might face in our travels south, and were told that the "DISNEYLAND FRUIT". STILL GREW FURTHER SOUTH. Joel had not tasted of it yet! HAHAHAHAHA! Get ready folks! (grin!). During one of our last nights in town, shitfaced, at some great cantina, I had an epiphany (sp?), ah, an enlightened moment?, that I should get a "bicycle tire " patch kit! When I told this to Joel, he stared at me with such a serious face that I wondered if I had insulted him, He might be ready to hit me! All He did was, after a second or 2, was to start laughing so hard that He fell off His stool to the dirt floor, holding His sides with tears on His face,!!!

He looked up at me from the ground and said,

"Pasches? We don need no stinken pasches, gringo!"(from the movie "HOMBRE", starring Paul Newman! , hahahahahahaha).

I just looked down at Him, also laughing, and said,

"yeah Joel! for some reason, I got to get some before we leave town! tomorrow"

SOOO.......before we left the next morning, we sought out a local bicycle shop for "bicycle patch kits", and with Joel still laughing at me, we rode off to our next adventure.

We were about 18 klicks south east of the far side of the mountains, and luckily out of the Heavy jungles, when Joel's bike got a blow-out in His front tire. Joel was riding point as it happened. As His bike went to the right , He went left over the handle bars. I stopped and made sure He was OK, then I started to laugh! As He lay there with dirt on His face and in His mouth looking up at me , looking so fucking pathetic, I started laughing harder!

As He lay there, I wiped the tears from my face and said,

"paches? We don need no stinken paches, gringo!".

I laughed even harder!!!!!!!!! And to Joel's credit? He blushed and said , with a grin on His face,

"OK , fuck you!".

As we sat there , I asked Joel to get some food while I set up camp and checked out the damage to His bike. I had His bike leaning against a tree and a fire going when He came with our food. We ate well that night, I then said that we should climb a tree to sleep and tie ourselves in, and in the morning I would fix the tire.

The next morning, He watched as I , AFTER coffee (!), had Him help me "pop" His tire and then took His belt! (not mine, hahahaha), and cut off a 3" strip to place between the inner tube and the tire, meanwhile ! I made Him "PASCH"(! HAHAHA), HISS OWN TIRE!!!!!! to give us some time to get to a town.................HA HA HA , it worked!, as we set off to the Southwest of Caracas. we passed south of Barinas, and came to some intense jungles! (GET READY FOLKS!), about 60 klicks from the jungles!( I'M HAVING MORE FUN THEN YOU!) /GRIN !!!!!!!!

We were about half way and to the south of both, Portuegesa and Cojedes, when we came to find a jungle camp site for the nite. (I had it in mind to NOW turn Joel on to the wacky fruit!! (hahaha). That evening Joel went for game , and I set up camp.

It's almost as if we knew what we were doing!. We had plenty of food to eat, it was roasting, and we still had some weed. Joel was thirsty, so I showed Him the "vines" to get water from. I impressed the hell out of Him! Then I told Him what CARLOS HAD TAUGHT ME! . Then Joel thought I could walk on water! hahaha. We had a good meal, smoked a bit, and having fed our stomachs?, I thought We would be safe in the trees, from the night, by what could happen! (dumb Me!).! We had NO idea!!!!!!

Remember , that We were wearing "PENDELTON. Flannel Shirts", FLANNEL! THE GARB OF THE 60'S ! WITH MUD ALL OVER US! HAHAHAHHA.! (necks , face, arms, hair.). We climbed a tree worth a Fairy Tale Novel!, We tided ourselves on to the limbs of the tree SO AS NOT (!), to fall out as We slept, and ate a bit of the "wacky fruit" for desert?! Now! hahahahahahha, go pee, now!

We had picked out 2 limbs close enough to each other to pass smokes, reefer or "fruit", (arms length apart). The night was humid , as usual, there was no moon, just a sky full of stars. We had finished tying ourselves in, And We had refrained from smoking more then a puff or 2 during the meal. As We lay on our, "beds", Joel and I took a small bite of the "fruit". We had full stomachs and weren't sure how long after we ate, that it would take to "kick"in. I knew, and told Joel that We should start out "easy", and see what kind of buzz we might catch!

After what seemed AGES!!!!!!!............. We started to see thingggggsssss aaaaa littttttleee dddiiiiiiffeeerrentlyyyyyyyyyyy..........(DO ANY OF YOU OUT THERE REMEMBER THE 60'S PHYCODELIC NIGHT CLUBS? where you might have seen "Gracie Slick"? , or " Janice Joplin", singing on stage with a BIG movie screen behind them, and a high school overhead projector with the colored "AMOEBA" PULSATING BEHIND THEM TO THE BEAT OF THE MUSIC?)

Well, things started to become fun! Joel and I were up in our"beds",Tied in, laughing merrily, having , SOooo, much fun...........and then it happened!!........... hahahahahahahahahaha..We BOTH started to see the stars pulsate!!!!!!! to some beat! and I said as much to Joel!!!!! He said , " Yeah! I see it to!".

then He started laughing! I then asked,

"what the fucks so funny?"He answered,

"Opps! , it's me farting!", and we went into another fit of laughing! We were having a ball! Then He asked me for a cigarette!

I gave Him one and a stick match and did the same for myself. I wanted to see a Super Nova , and said as much to Joel then said ,

"on the count of 3 ! lets fire up!"

I counted down to 1, like astronauts ready to blast off to the moon! ...........At 1 we both fired up! __________________________________________________________________(Have any of you out there been at a party? or even at home and made "shadow" creatures with you hands on a wall? like hooking your thumbs together and fingers spread WIDE? to something that looked like a scary "KILLER MOTHS!!!!!!!"?__________________________________________________________________

EDITORS NOTE:

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Antheraea polyphemus:

The Polyphemus moth (Antheraea polyphemus) is a member of the Saturniidae family, or giant silk moths. It is a tan colored moth, with an average wingspan of 6 inches (15 cm) PER WING!. The most notable feature of the moth is its large, purplish eyespots on its two hindwings. The eye spots are where it gets its name – from the Greek myth of the Cyclops Polyphemus. The caterpillar of the Polyphemus moth can eat 86,000 times its weight at emergence in a little less than two months.

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Within seconds of the matches starting to flare! We were ATTACKED by what seemed 10,000 KILLER VAMPIRE MOTHS!!!!! ALL ATTRACTED TO THE FLAMES!!!!!!! AND WE WERE TO STONED to do ANYTHING OTHER THEN SCREAM!!!! AND SCREAM!!!!! AND SCREAM!!!! AND THRASH !!!!! AND SCREAM !!!!!!!!! (remember the FLANNEL SHIRTS?), THOSE LITTLE NASTY FUCKS KEPT CLINGING WITH THEIR SPINY LEGS TO OUR SHIRTS , and WOULDN'T LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

We were shitting our pants and SCREAMING!!!!!! AND BEATING AT PHANTOMS! AND SCREAMING!!!!!! and they kept coming at us!! They were releasing pheromones!!!!!!!!!! AND JUST ATTRACTED MORE FUCKING MOTHS!!!!!!!!! We were pissing ourselves and twisting to get out of the tree........AND SCREAMING!!!!!!

The powder from the wings of the moths, the bodies of them in and on our faces, the fact that We were stoned from/on the "Wacky Fruit", meant that We were in the toilet bowl of THE LAND OF OZ!

The next morning found us hanging from our feet about 4' off the ground with our backs to each other.We both woke at the same time, SCREAMING!! , then realised that it was day! I asked Joel to get his "boy scout" knife to cut ourselves loose. He got His knife out of His pocket, AND DROPPED IT! (THE KLUTZ!), so I tried for mine, and succeeded! I did a belly crunch, grabbed His leg, pulled myself up, and told Him to get ready, "on the count of 3! ". I WOULD CUT HIS LINE! I counted 1, and cut the line! HAHAHAHAHAHA...........

After I stopped laughing, I did a crunch and cut my own line. As we both got to our knees, we looked around and saw HUNDREDS!!!!!!! of dead moths! some still flapping around, then we looked at each other and fell on our backs LAUGHING our asses off! We looked as if someone had thrown FLOWER in our faces!!! AND THEN THE SMELL HIT OUR NOSES WITH ALL THE SUBTLETY OF A MACK TRUCK in the BATHROOM! The night before we had had the shit, literally, scared out of us, and the piss! hahahahaha. And this was the first time I had EVER seen shit roll UP-HILL, at least to our belts as we hung upside down! We smelled disgusting!!!!!!

We made our way to the stream and were ready to bathe when I reminded Joel NOT(!) TO PEE WHILE IN THE WATER!!!!!!!!! and about the parasites that follow the Uric Acid of the piss to its source and lodge themselves in your Urethra and cannot be dislodged!(very painful!)

After we and our clothes were clean and before we were dry, we rolled in the mud of the banks and dressed, went back to camp , and didn't EVEN want to eat there! hahahahha, and rode on for a few miles before we did! The whole time, Joel kept saying,"WOW MAN!!! WHOA, WHAT A FUCKING TRIP MAN!!!!!!!! WHEN CAN WE DO IT AGAIN???????" The whole time I'm thinking, " not in the fucking jungle!"

E S D

A Life In The DAY (43)

JOEL- A BARREL OF LAUGHS and WET PANTS

..............................

When I got back to town , my first stop was to the Cantina con el nobre del ,"la playa del anjelos"

What a piece of shit that was for a name!? there was no beach! ha ha ha and there were no angels there either!!!!!!!!!! but they did have great food!!!! and a shit load of hooch! and girls !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next day after I had sated my hunger for civilised "Stuff", I went to see Joel at the hospital and found out when we could leave. Apparently He was mended so I took Him to my room after we went to the cantina. While we sat there eating and drinking, He kept asking me all sorts of questions about what I had done.

Joel , knowing that I was as crazy as He was, sat there in awe as I told Him of what happened in the jungle with the bitches and the pack mentality in the past 5 days and all the things that I had learned about jungle survival. And He was incredulous when I told Him of the "WACKY" fruit that Carlos introduced me to. After breakfast , we went to check out our bikes, get extra plugs, filled our food bags. Joel's leg was still a bit tender so I had to kick it over, then He got in the saddle,. We looked at each other and laughed, at what we would face in more, new adventures!

At our first campsite, I shared some of the things that Carlos had told me, like how to keep the mosquitoes away from us, which had been pretty much become a pain in the ass with us,(no pun!). So when we camped for the first night after His release, We made sure we stopped by a slow ambling stream with muddy banks. Before we set up camp, I told Joel to follow me to the stream and talk off His clothes, as I took off mine. I then told Him to follow my lead and lie down in the mud and wallow in it, (at least He didn't think I was too crazy! hahahaha). Since it was still perty warm , I told Joel to walk around until the mud dried on us. After that we put on our clothes, looked at each other AND CRACKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahah.Two goofier looking guys have never walked civilized earth before! It was good to hear Joel laugh!, BUT IT did KEEP THE BUGS AWAY! We did this each and every morning before we started to ride again.

For the most part our journey was pretty much uneventful ...............with the exception of our encounter of the SOW BOAR! ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!!!

OK FOLKS! NOW GO PEE !!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha , you will if you haven't, after reading this part!!!!!!!

It all happened just over the mountain range , in the valley jungle, on a day that Joel wanted to rest early. We were on no time schedule.

We were about 40 or 50 "klicks" south west of San Christobal. We had made camp early in the day. While Joel was setting up camp, I went to gather food of any sort, I carried my WHAMO slingshot with me, I had seen the fruit tree of, "the magical mystery tour bus", and decided to REALLY show Joel all about it!

The sun wasn't even down yet when I came back with 2 monkeys and a bird , AND 1 BIG RIPE Fruit from the tree of DISNEY LAND! hahahaha. As we sat there prepping our food , we heard a strange type of ..........SQUEAL (?)

After , both of us having been "good boy scouts", and living in the jungle for the time we did,we both knew "tracking" skills. The local Indians would have thought we were of the tribe! (WHICH WILL HAPPEN LATER!!) hahaha. We proceeded to go from down wind to the sound. (We made ourselves VERY PROUD! )

We creeped up with stealth and came to the ridge. As we looked over, we both dropped our jaws!!!!!!! hahahaha, what we saw was beyond belief!!!!!!!!

There before us, not 20 yards in front of us, was a MASSIVE Boar Sow that had to be at LEAST 3 feet at the shoulders, and at her feet, between her legs, was a remnant of the Wacky fruit she had eaten! She must have eaten the WHOLE THING! hahahaha ..

She just stood there with all 4 feet spread apart just looking at the tree trunk in front of her, STARING!! hahahahahaha. Her mouth was agape , drooling AND JUST STARING!!!! HAHAHA HA ......Her eyes were glassy like any good "DOPER" of the day!, HAHAHAHA...........

All 8 of her teats were dripping milk like poor plumbing in BEDFORD STY.HAHAHAHAHA

Her tail was like those old "whamo" toys that, as a kid we would hook up to a water hose , turn on the water and have it go BONKERS in the air , spraying water all around! Her tail looked like it was on "speed!". hahahahahahaha !!!............

Joel and I lay there LAUGHING our asses off!!!!!! We couldn't contain ourselves! HA HA HA HA HA . We were rolling on the ground!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA .....LAUGHING AND PISSING OUR PANTS!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ......We looked even sillier by the fact that the tears running down our muddied faces, were leaving tracks that made us look even funnier!!

We had to hold each other up as we walked back to camp, because of our laughing fits. Every time we would stop our laughing , Joel or I would "OINK", AND OFF WE'D GO AGAIN, LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We staggered like drunks on a bender, but all we had was a little "Sangria", to wet our whistles. As our food cooked, I told Joel that that was what the "wacky fruit" did to those that ate of it in any amount.

We decided to sleep in the trees that night for safety's sake, in case the Boar Sow came around pissed and hungry after she came down from her "high".

E S D