A Life In The Day (37)

NIGHTMARES and TEARS

TEARS and NIGHTMARES

...........................................

The night desert lands scape was lite by a full silver moon, and seeing where I was walking wasn't an issue. I knew I had to sit down and stop walking though , mainly because I couldn't see the ground for all the tears flooding my eyes. I was perty high by now on the Peyote and reefer mix and was beginning to hallucinate.

I sat in ZAZEN Posture to meditate and tried to erase my mind of what happened mere hours ago , or at least deal with it in a cosmic sense. (2 years previously , I had written to "Carlos Castienato" from "Carlos Castienatos and the teachings of Don Juan" fame,We had a fair amount of correspondence at the time,and remember even then asking Him WHAT THE MEANING OF LIFE was .........) I was trying to make sense of what we had witnessed

I can't say that I meditated but more floated around the desert in a drugged state of , dreaming.

The dreams that came to me that night were ones that to this day I DON'T UNDERSTAND.....

( I saw Doves , many Doves , all standing around ONE lone Dove on the ground ,lying on Its side , It lay there broken , bleeding, weeping , looking up at me pleading.........with HUMAN EYES .........

--Imagine an episode of "THE TWILIGHT ZONE "--

I ran to it with ALL the force of my Being , ALL THE FORCE OF MY BEING , the harder I ran , the more immersed I became in Tar, As I attempted to reach out , I found myself ENGULFED in a drop of AMBER, LIKE THAT MOSQUITO IN "Jurassic Park"-----I COULD NOT MOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!------------THE TRUCKS BORE DOWN ON US ............)

I awoke to the sun SCREAMING in my eyes!!

I woke up with a dry mouth an my mind whirling even now . I walked over to a barrel cactus and cut a piece out to have a drink of Mother Earths Water and started to search my way back to camp only to find Joel curled in a fetal position.

I stood there for a moment and looked at Him and envied the fuck out of Him , lying there with

what appeared to be the sleep of the innocent ! Time proved Me wrong , years in the future I was notified by mutual acquaintances in Paris, that He committed suicide caused by "unknown" nightmares..............

E S D