ATTACK of the KILLER MOTHS
or
TWO SCREAMING GIRLY MEN-(again)
The next morning we had seen the wrath of the boar sow ! hahahaha. She woke up out of her stupor, PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!! The vegetation was thoroughly trashed! She was like my older sister on PMS!. We were lucky that we had decided to sleep in the trees! The funny thing was , that we didn't hear a thing ...........go figure!
The foliage was too close for Joel to use his sling so I went to shot our breakfast with my WHAMO sling shot. I came back with 2 birds and 1 monkey.By this time we had become accustom to the type of foods we ate. Hell, even lizards and snakes were fair game! hahahaha. We had tried to eat as little of our stores as possible and attempted to live off the land as best we could to conserve things like salt, sterno,a few canned goods, floor, coffee, sugar and rock candy.
I have to say at this point , that were it not for the fact that we had basically, dirt bikes , we would not have done so well in our travelings. Also remember that we were getting at LEAST 60MPG with 5 gallon tanks.
We proceeded to clean up our camp site and left no trace of our stay,(which in MY future in Africa, SAVED MY ASS MANY TIMES, and you will read of it in later chapters.), we left our site as we had come to it. Pristine,(we really didn't have to worry much anyway, seeing as how the jungle would cover over our existence in 24 hrs. ), but Joel and I both shared the same thoughts about MOTHER EARTH, we were her guests!
Joel's ankle was much better now, so he could kick over his own bike, now! hahahaha. We had saddled up and rode on, comming to the town of Merida, in the country of Venezuela. Needless to say, after Joel and I had secured rooms, WHERE DO YOU THINK WE WENT? HAHAHAHAHA, YOU GOT IT! any Cantina and BORDELLO!!! WHOA WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! hey folks! we are still 17! WITH RAGING HORMONES!!!!!
Again , as usual , Joel and I made friends with the kids of the town and gleaned all kinds of information about what we might face in our travels south, and were told that the "DISNEYLAND FRUIT". STILL GREW FURTHER SOUTH. Joel had not tasted of it yet! HAHAHAHAHA! Get ready folks! (grin!). During one of our last nights in town, shitfaced, at some great cantina, I had an epiphany (sp?), ah, an enlightened moment?, that I should get a "bicycle tire " patch kit! When I told this to Joel, he stared at me with such a serious face that I wondered if I had insulted him, He might be ready to hit me! All He did was, after a second or 2, was to start laughing so hard that He fell off His stool to the dirt floor, holding His sides with tears on His face,!!!
He looked up at me from the ground and said,
"Pasches? We don need no stinken pasches, gringo!"(from the movie "HOMBRE", starring Paul Newman! , hahahahahahaha).
I just looked down at Him, also laughing, and said,
"yeah Joel! for some reason, I got to get some before we leave town! tomorrow"
SOOO.......before we left the next morning, we sought out a local bicycle shop for "bicycle patch kits", and with Joel still laughing at me, we rode off to our next adventure.
We were about 18 klicks south east of the far side of the mountains, and luckily out of the Heavy jungles, when Joel's bike got a blow-out in His front tire. Joel was riding point as it happened. As His bike went to the right , He went left over the handle bars. I stopped and made sure He was OK, then I started to laugh! As He lay there with dirt on His face and in His mouth looking up at me , looking so fucking pathetic, I started laughing harder!
As He lay there, I wiped the tears from my face and said,
"paches? We don need no stinken paches, gringo!".
I laughed even harder!!!!!!!!! And to Joel's credit? He blushed and said , with a grin on His face,
"OK , fuck you!".
As we sat there , I asked Joel to get some food while I set up camp and checked out the damage to His bike. I had His bike leaning against a tree and a fire going when He came with our food. We ate well that night, I then said that we should climb a tree to sleep and tie ourselves in, and in the morning I would fix the tire.
The next morning, He watched as I , AFTER coffee (!), had Him help me "pop" His tire and then took His belt! (not mine, hahahaha), and cut off a 3" strip to place between the inner tube and the tire, meanwhile ! I made Him "PASCH"(! HAHAHA), HISS OWN TIRE!!!!!! to give us some time to get to a town.................HA HA HA , it worked!, as we set off to the Southwest of Caracas. we passed south of Barinas, and came to some intense jungles! (GET READY FOLKS!), about 60 klicks from the jungles!( I'M HAVING MORE FUN THEN YOU!) /GRIN !!!!!!!!
We were about half way and to the south of both, Portuegesa and Cojedes, when we came to find a jungle camp site for the nite. (I had it in mind to NOW turn Joel on to the wacky fruit!! (hahaha). That evening Joel went for game , and I set up camp.
It's almost as if we knew what we were doing!. We had plenty of food to eat, it was roasting, and we still had some weed. Joel was thirsty, so I showed Him the "vines" to get water from. I impressed the hell out of Him! Then I told Him what CARLOS HAD TAUGHT ME! . Then Joel thought I could walk on water! hahaha. We had a good meal, smoked a bit, and having fed our stomachs?, I thought We would be safe in the trees, from the night, by what could happen! (dumb Me!).! We had NO idea!!!!!!
Remember , that We were wearing "PENDELTON. Flannel Shirts", FLANNEL! THE GARB OF THE 60'S ! WITH MUD ALL OVER US! HAHAHAHHA.! (necks , face, arms, hair.). We climbed a tree worth a Fairy Tale Novel!, We tided ourselves on to the limbs of the tree SO AS NOT (!), to fall out as We slept, and ate a bit of the "wacky fruit" for desert?! Now! hahahahahahha, go pee, now!
We had picked out 2 limbs close enough to each other to pass smokes, reefer or "fruit", (arms length apart). The night was humid , as usual, there was no moon, just a sky full of stars. We had finished tying ourselves in, And We had refrained from smoking more then a puff or 2 during the meal. As We lay on our, "beds", Joel and I took a small bite of the "fruit". We had full stomachs and weren't sure how long after we ate, that it would take to "kick"in. I knew, and told Joel that We should start out "easy", and see what kind of buzz we might catch!
After what seemed AGES!!!!!!!............. We started to see thingggggsssss aaaaa littttttleee dddiiiiiiffeeerrentlyyyyyyyyyyy..........(DO ANY OF YOU OUT THERE REMEMBER THE 60'S PHYCODELIC NIGHT CLUBS? where you might have seen "Gracie Slick"? , or " Janice Joplin", singing on stage with a BIG movie screen behind them, and a high school overhead projector with the colored "AMOEBA" PULSATING BEHIND THEM TO THE BEAT OF THE MUSIC?)
Well, things started to become fun! Joel and I were up in our"beds",Tied in, laughing merrily, having , SOooo, much fun...........and then it happened!!........... hahahahahahahahahaha..We BOTH started to see the stars pulsate!!!!!!! to some beat! and I said as much to Joel!!!!! He said , " Yeah! I see it to!".
then He started laughing! I then asked,
"what the fucks so funny?"He answered,
"Opps! , it's me farting!", and we went into another fit of laughing! We were having a ball! Then He asked me for a cigarette!
I gave Him one and a stick match and did the same for myself. I wanted to see a Super Nova , and said as much to Joel then said ,
"on the count of 3 ! lets fire up!"
I counted down to 1, like astronauts ready to blast off to the moon! ...........At 1 we both fired up! __________________________________________________________________(Have any of you out there been at a party? or even at home and made "shadow" creatures with you hands on a wall? like hooking your thumbs together and fingers spread WIDE? to something that looked like a scary "KILLER MOTHS!!!!!!!"?__________________________________________________________________
EDITORS NOTE:
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Antheraea polyphemus:
The Polyphemus moth (Antheraea polyphemus) is a member of the Saturniidae family, or giant silk moths. It is a tan colored moth, with an average wingspan of 6 inches (15 cm) PER WING!. The most notable feature of the moth is its large, purplish eyespots on its two hindwings. The eye spots are where it gets its name – from the Greek myth of the Cyclops Polyphemus. The caterpillar of the Polyphemus moth can eat 86,000 times its weight at emergence in a little less than two months.
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Within seconds of the matches starting to flare! We were ATTACKED by what seemed 10,000 KILLER VAMPIRE MOTHS!!!!! ALL ATTRACTED TO THE FLAMES!!!!!!! AND WE WERE TO STONED to do ANYTHING OTHER THEN SCREAM!!!! AND SCREAM!!!!! AND SCREAM!!!! AND THRASH !!!!! AND SCREAM !!!!!!!!! (remember the FLANNEL SHIRTS?), THOSE LITTLE NASTY FUCKS KEPT CLINGING WITH THEIR SPINY LEGS TO OUR SHIRTS , and WOULDN'T LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
We were shitting our pants and SCREAMING!!!!!! AND BEATING AT PHANTOMS! AND SCREAMING!!!!!! and they kept coming at us!! They were releasing pheromones!!!!!!!!!! AND JUST ATTRACTED MORE FUCKING MOTHS!!!!!!!!! We were pissing ourselves and twisting to get out of the tree........AND SCREAMING!!!!!!
The powder from the wings of the moths, the bodies of them in and on our faces, the fact that We were stoned from/on the "Wacky Fruit", meant that We were in the toilet bowl of THE LAND OF OZ!
The next morning found us hanging from our feet about 4' off the ground with our backs to each other.We both woke at the same time, SCREAMING!! , then realised that it was day! I asked Joel to get his "boy scout" knife to cut ourselves loose. He got His knife out of His pocket, AND DROPPED IT! (THE KLUTZ!), so I tried for mine, and succeeded! I did a belly crunch, grabbed His leg, pulled myself up, and told Him to get ready, "on the count of 3! ". I WOULD CUT HIS LINE! I counted 1, and cut the line! HAHAHAHAHAHA...........
After I stopped laughing, I did a crunch and cut my own line. As we both got to our knees, we looked around and saw HUNDREDS!!!!!!! of dead moths! some still flapping around, then we looked at each other and fell on our backs LAUGHING our asses off! We looked as if someone had thrown FLOWER in our faces!!! AND THEN THE SMELL HIT OUR NOSES WITH ALL THE SUBTLETY OF A MACK TRUCK in the BATHROOM! The night before we had had the shit, literally, scared out of us, and the piss! hahahahaha. And this was the first time I had EVER seen shit roll UP-HILL, at least to our belts as we hung upside down! We smelled disgusting!!!!!!
We made our way to the stream and were ready to bathe when I reminded Joel NOT(!) TO PEE WHILE IN THE WATER!!!!!!!!! and about the parasites that follow the Uric Acid of the piss to its source and lodge themselves in your Urethra and cannot be dislodged!(very painful!)
After we and our clothes were clean and before we were dry, we rolled in the mud of the banks and dressed, went back to camp , and didn't EVEN want to eat there! hahahahha, and rode on for a few miles before we did! The whole time, Joel kept saying,"WOW MAN!!! WHOA, WHAT A FUCKING TRIP MAN!!!!!!!! WHEN CAN WE DO IT AGAIN???????" The whole time I'm thinking, " not in the fucking jungle!"
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